What's your best/worst joke? (1 Viewer)

Mark_

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@Doc,

I think it was Mary who's got the Tacos, at least that's what Jesus said. Then again he keeps wanting me to try his burritos. Keeps telling me there really meaty. Course I have to turn them down, can't stand verde sauce.
 

The_Doc_Man

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Maybe we should steer away from locker-room humor for a while.

I will if you guys will.
 

Mark_

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OK Doc, maybe this is more to your taste?

It is with sad heart I must report that John Roberts committed suicide yesterday. Though he had discussed it with his friends the night before, they could not talk him out of it. His last words to his friends were "By God, now that I'm retired I WILL teach that woman to cook!"
 

The_Doc_Man

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Famous (or infamous) last words?

Fortunately, my wife learned how to cook from a Cajun country cook - her mom, whose gumbo used to be spectacular. My sweetie learned the recipe, which is good, because grandmere is now in a nursing home and can't cook any more.
 

NauticalGent

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NG,

So you'd me more of a Shawarma taco fan then?

Well now, I happen to have a sea story regarding some I inhaled while in the throes of a drunken stupor during a port visit in Haifa.

It is better told in person so I will get straight to the punch-line: I managed to wake up half of the berthing area (including myself) in the wee hours of the morning, convinced we had a massive CHT (sewage) leak.

I won’t eat them anymore...bad memories...
 

The_Doc_Man

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Back on course for the jokes...

A farmer in Alexandria Louisiana bought a lottery ticket. He didn't win the grand prize but he got enough to fix up his house and some other things he needed done. He had enough money left over to buy three more milk cows for his growing herd, so he went to a place selling high-producing cows in Carencro Louisiana. He bought the three cows, took them home, and gave them some time to get used to their surroundings.

After a couple of days it was time to milk them, so he milked the rest of his cows, then tried the new ones. For the first cow, he got her settled, put down his stool and bucket, and touched her teats. The cow immediately passed such a violent bout of gas that he thought lightning must have struck nearby. However, from the incredible odor, he knew it was the cow. He continued with his work and the cow produced excellent milk.

The second and third cows? Same thing - the first time he touched their teats, they farted with a roiling, odoriferous, echoing thunderclap of a fart. But they gave good milk. He was surprised but then again, he knew he wasn't the smartest farmer in the world. He just knew that something was wrong.

The next two days, the same thing happened. The three new cows gave great milk but on first touch of their teats, they all farted but then immediately settled down. Finally, he said to himself, "I know that ain't right. I'll ask my neighbor if he's ever heard of this kind of thing with cows."

The next morning, the neighbor came over. The farmer said, "Now watch this." He then proceeded to demonstrate how the cows would pass noxious, noisy farts.

The friend said, "You got those cows from Carencro, didn't you?"

The farmer, astounded, said "Yes, but how did you know?"

The friend said, "My wife was born there."
 

ColinEssex

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I heard a good American joke the other day - Donald Trump!

Col
 

Mark_

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@Colin,

The real joke is there are people who honestly believe there were better candidates...

I had the odd chance to watch the debate between him and Clinton. Odd how both lost.
 

The_Doc_Man

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Colin, the only difference between Donald and Hillary is that with Donald, the joke is immediately obvious. With Hillary, that joke would not have been obvious for a long time. But then we would have been REALLY crying because of what would have happened with pharmaceutical companies operating in the USA.
 

Dick7Access

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Colin, the only difference between Donald and Hillary is that with Donald, the joke is immediately obvious. With Hillary, that joke would not have been obvious for a long time. But then we would have been REALLY crying because of what would have happened with pharmaceutical companies operating in the USA.

Also some things Trump has done I like, with pantsuit there is nothing she would do that i would like.
 

The_Doc_Man

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The real joke is there are people who honestly believe there were better candidates...

True that. It's a good thing that our electronic ballot boxes allow us to press a button with one hand while we hold our nose with the other.
 

AccessBlaster

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Dick7Access

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Anybody here besides me, old enough to remember the movie "Macabre". It was suppose to be so scary that along with the purchase of your ticket, you got a life insurance policy from Lloyds of London. I was in my teens when my cousin and I almost got thrown out of the movie theater because we laughed throughout the whole thing.
 

Yianni

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I'll bet I am older than you, but haven't seen it (maybe I don't remember) :)
 

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