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Old 06-03-2019, 05:16 AM   #16
The_Doc_Man
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Re: Best help for depression

I'm somewhat of a latecomer to this thread, but I've gone through clinical depression more than once. In both cases, it was situational, brought on by family stress. The second round of it was tougher because the source was a more intense situation.

My therapist decided that I needed cognitive therapy rather than drugs because my situation wasn't chemical. My stresses were due to being my mother's primary caregiver while she slowly sank into the depths of Alzheimer's Disease. I was alone at that time because my father had already passed and I have no siblings. My closest family was at least five hours of hard driving away and at the time I wasn't married or seeing anyone. The latter (not having a special lady) was at least partly due to being overwhelmed by suddenly having the situation pile up on me.

I am glad to say that I eventually worked through it with a good therapist. But being in the downward spiral of depression is no joke.

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Old 06-03-2019, 11:32 PM   #17
Galaxiom
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Re: Best help for depression

Quote:
Originally Posted by The_Doc_Man View Post
My stresses were due to being my mother's primary caregiver while she slowly sank into the depths of Alzheimer's Disease. I was alone at that time because my father had already passed and I have no siblings.
This must have been dreadful. My mother-in-law had dementia and passed away last year. Her's was not classic Alzheimer's but anxiety and depression which is really common among the elderly. We looked after her at our place for a while but eventually she asked to go to a nursing home where there was 24/7 support. Fortunately the facility where she wanted to go was only about a mile from our house.

MIL had outlived her husband, siblings and most of her friends. My wife was her only surviving child. She was miserable and systematically alienated everyone who cared about her. Some left in tears and said they couldn't handle visiting any more. The worst was saved for my wife because "she could be herself" with her.

My wife had me for support yet she still suffered with depression. She still has guilt feeling like she didn't do enough.

Watching someone you love go down to dementia is horrible. It was a slow deterioration that we eventually realised had started long before it became really apparent. We were spared the worst that would have come because of a stroke but the last few weeks between the first stroke and her ultimate passing were particularly harrowing.
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Old 06-04-2019, 07:17 PM   #18
The_Doc_Man
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Re: Best help for depression

Yes, watching the slow decline of a loved one is a form of slow torture. In my case, it dragged on for at least five years when I was the caregiver, but Dad before he died also saw changes and talked to me about them.

The depression in such cases comes from the feeling of helplessness and a desire to abandon the hopeless situation. It leads to major cognitive dissonance with family duty, love, and personal honor to not abandon a loved one in dire need. Mom wanted to stay home and I did my best until the day that she became so impaired that she no longer appreciated that she WAS home. She went through classic Alzheimer's, all four stages ending in a persistent non-responsive state in fetal position.

Three days during that time stood out as hitting me with near physical force.

First, the day that I took her to the nursing home and left her there. Driving home alone was incredibly more lonely than I ever imagined loneliness could be.

Second, the first time I walked in to visit her and she no longer knew me. That was when I learned to put on the blank mask and swallow all emotion, because the first time led to ME crying, and that set HER off, so it took us a long time to calm down. After that, I learned to bottle it all up and take it home before letting it out.

Third, the day her doctor called me regarding her kidney failure and how to proceed, and I had to ask for non-surgical actions only plus a Do Not Resuscitate order. That last one was the day I grew up and realized that sometimes you have to let go of the past no matter how desperately you want to cling to it. Clinging to that past with the result of prolonging someone else's agony is purely selfish. But I let go and 19 days later, she passed in her sleep.

It often hurts to remember those times, but one thing is true: I can still look at myself in a mirror in the morning and not hate myself for what I went through or the crazy thoughts I had during that time. I stayed true to family.


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I'm a certified grandpa (3 times now) and proud of it.
Retired over one year and survived being home all day with the wife. She must really love me.
If I have helped you, please either click the thanks or click the scales.
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