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Old 08-30-2019, 02:16 PM   #2986
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Re: What's your best/worst joke?

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'

'Yes,' the class said.

'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'

A little fellow shouted, Cause your feet ain't empty.'

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Old 09-07-2019, 03:10 PM   #2987
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Old 09-07-2019, 08:15 PM   #2988
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Re: Pyramid Scheme for Graduates

Never thought of it that way, but ... it makes sense.

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Old 09-12-2019, 05:34 AM   #2989
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Re: What's your best/worst joke?

BOB AND THE BLONDE

He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10pm News was coming on.

The news-crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."

Bob placed a 20 note on the bar and said, "You're on."

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her 20 to Bob.
"Fair's fair. Here's your money."

Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5pm News, so I knew he would jump."

The blonde replied, "I did, too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."

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Old 09-13-2019, 01:21 AM   #2990
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Re: What's your best/worst joke?

Physicians were unable to reach a consensus: Should Brexit take place?

The Allergists were in favour of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Brexiters had a lot of nerve.

Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was labouring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!"

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Chemists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.

The Plastic Surgeons opined that Mays proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

Anaesthesiologists thought it was all a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the a**holes in Parliament.
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Old 09-17-2019, 02:25 AM   #2991
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Re: What's your best/worst joke?

Q. How do you milk a sheep?
A. Bring out a new iPhone and charge 900 for it.


One thing you don't want to hear when having fantastic sex?
"Honey, i'm home!"
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Old 09-17-2019, 06:19 AM   #2992
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Re: What's your best/worst joke?

A little johnny joke

In a School science class four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a jar of sperm.
The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil.

After one day, these were the results:

The first worm in alcohol --- dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke --- dead.
The third worm in sperm --- dead.
The fourth worm in soil --- alive.

So the science teacher asked the class --- "What can you learn from this experiment."

Little Johnny quickly raised his hand and said. "As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won't have worms."

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Old 10-08-2019, 01:24 AM   #2993
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Re: What's your best/worst joke?

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking! A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my penis and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.


Moral of the Story: If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.
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Old Yesterday, 05:46 PM   #2994
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Re: What's your best/worst joke?

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