Eternal Questions

[Oldsoftboss]

Just a few to get started...

Why..
When your alarm clock goes off, it actually comes on?

Does your nose run and your feet smell?

When you go to the football, you sit in a stand?

Is a person who invests your money called a broker?

Is a place that a doctor works called a practice?

Dave

 

[MarkK]

Park on a driveway, drive on a parkway?

 

[statsman]

Park on a driveway, drive on a parkway?

Drive on a beltway, but don't belt down a few first.

 

[Ron_dK]

Why go to start to shut down a computer ?

 

[Oldsoftboss]

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

 

[Jacob Mathai]

How about these (in the USA)

Eat your heart out

Love someone to death

 

[FoFa]

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why is it that when you send a package by ship it is called "cargo", but if you send a package by car its called a "shipment"?

Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

Why is bra singular and panties plural?

 

[selenau837]

Why is bra singular and panties plural?

Or better yet a 'pair of panties'. I don't know about y'all but I only wear one at a time, not two.

 

[Bodisathva]

mouse... x2 = mice
house... x2 <> hice

goose... x2 = geese
moose... x2 <> meese

why do people insist when they go to the restroom they "take" a leak (or any other bodily euphamism)...they aren't really taking anything anywhere...are they?


If seven Indians are walking down the street and one of their wheels falls off, how many camels does it take to fill a dog-box?

 

[buckwheat_311]

Why is the word abbreviation such a long word?

 

[FoFa]

How does one deal?

1, The bandage was wound around the wound.

2, The farm was used to produce produce.

3, The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.

4, There is no time like the present, so he thought he would present
the present.

5, When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

6, He did not object to the object.

7, The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

8,The oarsmen had a row about how to row.

9, he was too close to the door to close it.

10, A stag does strange things when the does are present.

11, After a number of injections my jaw became number.

12, The artist saw a tear in his painting and shed a tear.

13,She had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

14, An army chef decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

 

[FoFa]

Why do you play at a recital and recite at a play

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread.

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

If you throw a cat out your car window does it become kitty litter?

If corn oil comes from corn and olive oil comes from olives, where the heck does baby oil come from?

If you're in France and you order toast, do you get toast or French toast?

If you hate all prejudice people, are you a hypoocrite?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

If hunting season means you can kill animals, and fishing season means you can catch fish, what is the tourist season?

When a fly lands on the ceiling, does it do a half roll or a half loop?

Does expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?

 

[selenau837]

Fofa, those are too much.

They really make you think, as well as show how confusing the English language can be. So many words are spelled the same, but sound differently and have different meanings.

 

[jsanders]

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

When a fly lands on the ceiling, does it do a half roll or a half loop?

Just like a republican.. change the order of magnitude on statistics, by a factor of 9
There are at least 1 billion galaxies with roughly 1 billion stars each.
Now we all know I’m off, but hopefully closer than that.

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

When a fly lands on the ceiling, does it do a half roll or a half loop?

A half roll of course, or maybe a loop.

 

[Kraj]

If you think Englished is messed up, try Japanese (the following is quoted, because I don't remember it well enough):

The Japanese use two sets of numerals for counting, naming quantities, etc. The main set is Chinese in origin, and it is used most of the time. The second set is Japanese in origin, but only counts from 1 to 10 and is only used occasionally.

The Chinese-origin numbers are as follows:

1. ichi
2. ni
3. san
4. shi (yo/yon)
5. go
6. roku
7. shichi (nana)
8. hachi
9. kyuu
10. juu
11. ju-ichi
12. ju-ni
13. ju-san
14. ju-yon
15. ju-go
16. ...

20. ni-ju
21. ni-ju-ichi
22. ...

One of the more annoying features of the Japanese language is that they use variable counting suffixes for different things. While based on the above Chinese origin numbers, the suffix changes according to what you are counting. Some examples:

To count the floors of a building, you use kai:

ikkai
nikai
sankai
yonkai
gokai

To count people, you use nin, but the first two are irregular:

hitori
futari
sannin
yonin
gonin

To count flat things, such as pieces of paper, you use mai:

ichimai
nimai
sanmai
yonmai
gomai

To count large machines, you use dai:

ichidai
nidai
sandai
yondai
godai

To count steps, you use ho:

ippo
niho
sanbo
yonho
goho

There are dozens of these suffixes. Students of Japanese have a lot of fun memorizing them...

 

[Bodisathva]

When a fly lands on the ceiling, does it do a half roll or a half loop?

Geez, it's starting to sound like the useless facts thread, but... I believe the fly "reaches" for the ceiling with it's legs, attaches, then "flips" itself to the proper orientation...

 

[selenau837]

If you think Englished is messed up, try Japanese (the following is quoted, because I don't remember it well enough):

The Japanese use two sets of numerals for counting, naming quantities, etc. The main set is Chinese in origin, and it is used most of the time. The second set is Japanese in origin, but only counts from 1 to 10 and is only used occasionally.

The Chinese-origin numbers are as follows:

1. ichi
2. ni
3. san
4. shi (yo/yon)
5. go
6. roku
7. shichi (nana)
8. hachi
9. kyuu
10. juu
11. ju-ichi
12. ju-ni
13. ju-san
14. ju-yon
15. ju-go
16. ...

20. ni-ju
21. ni-ju-ichi
22. ...

One of the more annoying features of the Japanese language is that they use variable counting suffixes for different things. While based on the above Chinese origin numbers, the suffix changes according to what you are counting. Some examples:

To count the floors of a building, you use kai:

ikkai
nikai
sankai
yonkai
gokai

To count people, you use nin, but the first two are irregular:

hitori
futari
sannin
yonin
gonin

To count flat things, such as pieces of paper, you use mai:

ichimai
nimai
sanmai
yonmai
gomai

To count large machines, you use dai:

ichidai
nidai
sandai
yondai
godai

To count steps, you use ho:

ippo
niho
sanbo
yonho
goho

There are dozens of these suffixes. Students of Japanese have a lot of fun memorizing them...

Ok, you got me there Greg........

 

[FoFa]

Geez, it's starting to sound like the useless facts thread, but... I believe the fly "reaches" for the ceiling with it's legs, attaches, then "flips" itself to the proper orientation...

Scientists dispelled the prevalent theory, that the fly performed a fighter pilot-like barrel roll just prior to landing, by capturing this momentous event on film.

Freeze frames, from the high-speed cameras scientists used, proved that flies do not flip, but flop, as they land upon the ceiling. Prior to impact, the fly extends its forward legs over its head, makes contact, and uses the momentum it has gathered in flight to hoist the remainder of its body to the ceiling. Thus, the fly proves to be more of an acrobat, than of a fighter pilot practicing his maneuvers.

One Down

 

[selenau837]

Scientists dispelled the prevalent theory, that the fly performed a fighter pilot-like barrel roll just prior to landing, by capturing this momentous event on film.

Freeze frames, from the high-speed cameras scientists used, proved that flies do not flip, but flop, as they land upon the ceiling. Prior to impact, the fly extends its forward legs over its head, makes contact, and uses the momentum it has gathered in flight to hoist the remainder of its body to the ceiling. Thus, the fly proves to be more of an acrobat, than of a fighter pilot practicing his maneuvers.

One Down

Yup, you and Bodi said the same thing. Sticks legs out, and flips.

However you both are taking Matty's job. He is the myth buster around here.