Sorry, I don't actually work here

[Atomic Shrimp]

I don't know exactly why, but whenever I pop out to the shops on my lunch break, I will inevitably be mistaken for a member of staff in one of the shops I visit. It's happened in Tesco, Wilkinson, Matalan, TK Maxx, CEX and others - on average, occurring at least a couple of times a week.

On one occasion, while I was explaining to one person that I didn't work there, other customers started queuing up to be next to talk to me.

I guess I must have a sort of 'corporate drone' look about me or something.

So... how should I react to this?

• Get a badge engraved that says "Actually, I don't work here"?
• Start 'helping' the customers with deliberately misleading information?
• See if the effect extends to staff who do actually work there - maybe I could get away with using their staff canteen, or just walk out with some item under my arm...

 

[Banana]

You could make a gesture to indicate you expect them to tip you before answering the question.

If they give you the money, well, there's a free lunch after all!
If they go and complain to the manager, well, you get a good laugh.


Alternatively, just stutter and meander. They'll give up on you.

Finally, if there's a queue, ask them to follow you and you should go to the nearest call where employee use and get on the PA announcing that you are ____ and you do not work here.

 

[Pauldohert]

Let me guess - you are under 35, around 5' 9", wear charcoal pants and a polo shirt for work. You wear glasses and weigh around 9 stone.

You have slightly gelled spikey hair and a pasty pallor.

Anywhere near?

 

[Atomic Shrimp]

Let me guess - you are under 35, around 5' 9", wear charcoal pants and a polo shirt for work. You wear glasses and weigh around 9 stone.

You have slightly gelled spikey hair and a pasty pallor.

Anywhere near?

Good guesses, but mostly wrong...

Early 40s
5' 11" (OK, I'll give you that one)
Black or navy trousers, long sleeved business shirt and tie
Glasses, yes
Probably closer to 12 stone, but it's been a while since I checked.
Close cropped hair, with male pattern baldness in full swing
Mildly tanned at the moment.

On reflection, I think it's a combination of the shirt and tie, plus the ID card for the place I do work - the card itself lives in my shirt pocket, but it's on a fabric lanyard that's quite noticeable.
However, there's nothing particularly unusual about those attributes, especially out and about at lunchtime.

 

[Atomic Shrimp]

Hey, actually, I could say "certainly sir/madam! - if you'd just like to follow me..." and take them on as circuitous a trip around the store as possible - timing to see how long I can keep them in tow before they give up.

 

[Kryst51]

Hey, actually, I could say "certainly sir/madam! - if you'd just like to follow me..." and take them on as circuitous a trip around the store as possible - timing to see how long I can keep them in tow before they give up.

I would love to see something like that posted on youtube!

 

[Groundrush]

Happens to me all the time at Tesco's

I tend to leave the trolley in a space somewhere out the way then make my way round the isles weaving in out avoiding people that think that the isles are meeting areas to catch up on the local gossip etc.

Because of this some mistake me as a staff member & ask me where things are
I used to say that I didn’t work there & walk away but then I began to actually help them & point them the direction to go.

I was good at this until one day I was taken buy surprise when an attractive woman walked over to me with a trolley full of shopping smiled & asked whether I did home deliveries. My mind raced with inappropriate & cool answers to reply back with but all that came out my mouth was some language I never knew existed never mind being able to speak, when I realised that I was talking gibberish I eventually smiled back & said that I didn't work there.

I have also had people queuing once when someone stopped me to try & sell me the Tesco's credit card, while I was trying to get rid of the guy a little kid was patiently waiting for me to finish then asked me where to find batteries.


The most embarrassing moment was when I was walking back to my trolley with a pack of Durex that I was going to hind underneath the quavers but got stopped a second before I reached my destination.

I could see her eyes darting up & down looking at what I was trying to hide in my hands when she asked me where the pickled Onions were.

 

[Pauldohert]

Good guesses, but mostly wrong...

Early 40s
5' 11" (OK, I'll give you that one)
Black or navy trousers, long sleeved business shirt and tie
Glasses, yes
Probably closer to 12 stone, but it's been a while since I checked.
Close cropped hair, with male pattern baldness in full swing
Mildly tanned at the moment.

On reflection, I think it's a combination of the shirt and tie, plus the ID card for the place I do work - the card itself lives in my shirt pocket, but it's on a fabric lanyard that's quite noticeable.
However, there's nothing particularly unusual about those attributes, especially out and about at lunchtime.

Do you go shopping with a mate - and talk about what you are going to do at the weekend? That could be it.

 

[Fifty2One]

I have found that people tend to not bother me in shops if I wear a foil hat and carry my umbrella which no longer has a mantle and start accusing people who look at me of reading other peoples thoughts with their cell phones and telling other passers by that the cell phone user is ONE OF THEM

 

[Pauldohert]

i have found that people tend to not bother me in shops if i wear a foil hat and carry my umbrella which no longer has a mantle and start accusing people who look at me of reading other peoples thoughts with their cell phones and telling other passers by that the cell phone user is one of them

..............hmv?

 

[oumahexi]

I don't know exactly why, but whenever I pop out to the shops on my lunch break, I will inevitably be mistaken for a member of staff in one of the shops I visit. It's happened in Tesco, Wilkinson, Matalan, TK Maxx, CEX and others - on average, occurring at least a couple of times a week.

On one occasion, while I was explaining to one person that I didn't work there, other customers started queuing up to be next to talk to me.

I guess I must have a sort of 'corporate drone' look about me or something.

So... how should I react to this?

• Get a badge engraved that says "Actually, I don't work here"?

Or one that simply says "whatever local council" same difference

• Start 'helping' the customers with deliberately misleading information?

It only happened to me once and I told the old lady I hadn't worked there long so if she could wait I'd find someone to help her.

• See if the effect extends to staff who do actually work there - maybe I could get away with using their staff canteen, or just walk out with some item under my arm...

You could at least ask for a discount on your goods!

Thanks for the post Atomic, I needed a laugh today

 

[Atomic Shrimp]

[/LIST]Or one that simply says "whatever local council" same difference

Noooooo! If I identify myself as a council officer (which I am), I'll have people asking me about cracks in the pavement or the date of their next refuse collection.

 

[Vassago]

Noooooo! If I identify myself as a council officer (which I am), I'll have people asking me about cracks in the pavement or the date of their next refuse collection.

So.... what about those cracks in the pavement...?

I always get bothered when I am in an electronics or computer parts store. Maybe it's because I actually look like I know what I'm doing rather than they think I actually work there. I usually end up helping them out anyway.

On a side note, I had a friend who was interviewing at an office supply store. While waiting for his interview, a couple came up to him and started asking him questions, he not only assisted them, but convinced them to buy a computer, upgrade certain parts of the computer, and buy the extended warranty. He got the job.

 

[Adam Caramon]

On a side note, I had a friend who was interviewing at an office supply store. While waiting for his interview, a couple came up to him and started asking him questions, he not only assisted them, but convinced them to buy a computer, upgrade certain parts of the computer, and buy the extended warranty. He got the job.

That's about the greatest luck you can have. They pretty much had to give him the job.

 

[Banana]

Not to be a cynic, but could it have been pre-arranged? IOW, it was actually the interview?

 

[Vassago]

Not to be a cynic, but could it have been pre-arranged? IOW, it was actually the interview?

Not at all! They were happy customers who actually come into his store from time to time to buy more from him. He just happened to be wearing a similar shirt to the uniform worn by the employees.

Someone else was still being interviewed and he was early, so he waited. That is when he was approached.

 

[statsman]

I don't know exactly why, but whenever I pop out to the shops on my lunch break, I will inevitably be mistaken for a member of staff in one of the shops I visit. It's happened in Tesco, Wilkinson, Matalan, TK Maxx, CEX and others - on average, occurring at least a couple of times a week.

On one occasion, while I was explaining to one person that I didn't work there, other customers started queuing up to be next to talk to me.

I guess I must have a sort of 'corporate drone' look about me or something.

So... how should I react to this?

• Get a badge engraved that says "Actually, I don't work here"?
• Start 'helping' the customers with deliberately misleading information?
• See if the effect extends to staff who do actually work there - maybe I could get away with using their staff canteen, or just walk out with some item under my arm...

Try responding in a foreign language.

 

[TessB]

I have this horrible need to be helpful.
I'm not often mistaken for a clerk, but I do have people ask me where they can find a particular item. And if I don't know, I'm on a mission to find it for them. I'll even track them back down if I can and tell them I found it.
Is that sick or what?

 

[Groundrush]

I have this horrible need to be helpful.
I'm not often mistaken for a clerk, but I do have people ask me where they can find a particular item. And if I don't know, I'm on a mission to find it for them. I'll even track them back down if I can and tell them I found it.
Is that sick or what?

Tesco's stalker

 

[Atomic Shrimp]

Try responding in a foreign language.

Oooh, how about:

"Sorry, I don't know where to find [whatever it is they're looking for] - let's pray to our heavenly father for assistance..."