What is wrong with most people?

[Minkey]

So yes a bit of a rant but I need a bit of a vent...

Set up

A situation occurred today whilst at the local park, I was happily out and about in the sunshine, taking some photos and whilst sat at a bench having a snack and drinkies I hear someone shouting out, (initially) presumably after their dog (lot's of birds and squirrels around so not uncommon) but then I saw the person running past in some distress and shouting a name.

Now I was listening to my podcasts with my new Sennheiser noise cancelling headphones (relevant) and I realised immediately that she, who was obviously pregnant, was quite upset. I thought straight away even if it's a dog maybe I can help her find it but after I had taken out my headphones it was obvious she was looking for her daughter, the distress in her voice was enough and the name she was calling it was clear it was not a dog.

I quickly packed up my stuff and went after her, there are lots of paths and she was running so I took the obvious route and thankfully found her jogging back from the play area. She was in floods of tears and very distressed, I stopped her asked what’s wrong and can I help.

Her 5 year old daughter was lost.

Long(er) story short I back tracked with her to the area her daughter was last seen, whilst calling the police, a jogger saw us asked her if she was looking for someone and told us there is a little girl by one of the entrances, we found her safe and well (she had gone back to her mothers car) and everything was fine.

Now my rant

She told me she had been looking for 15-20 mins, in her state that was probably and understandably exaggerated but even if it was actually only for 1 min NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON APPROACHED HER AND OFFERED TO HELP (and there were lots of people around including the couple sat not 5 meters away from me who were not wearing noise cancelling headphones and would have heard her way before me and they barely broke their conversation) ok the jogger did help once he saw us – thank you dude - but he was the only one who did anything helpful. I had to go up to people and ask to help look for her.

I estimate she would have passed at least 10 people from when I first heard her to when I caught up with her WTF is wrong with those people? a near hysterical, crying pregnant woman screaming a girls name and you do nothing? – even if she told you to f off and mind your own business would you really not do anything?? (oh and as mentioned she went to the play area, where there were lots of other kids and parents mmm).

To be fair after we found her daughter and finished with the police she told me her friend was also in the park with her own daughter and when I found her there was a couple trying to help, turns out the police had just relayed the info that she was safe to them all (many thanks to the police BTW, fantastic communication and extremely professional).

Surely the bystander effect can't apply in a situation like this?? sorry for the long post but I was and still am very p**sed off.

 

[kevlray]

I worry about the world that is more interested in taking photos on their phones than helping someone in distress (seen that on the news enough).

 

[Frothingslosh]

Yes, that's what people are like. I see it all the freaking time: unless you're part of the same group - family, friends, whatever - most people aren't even slightly interested in helping others unless there's something in it for them. Hell, I'd argue that most would be happy to mug everyone they meet if they thought they could get away with it.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

What's wrong with people? Actually, easy to answer. Not so easy to solve.

Selfishness, which leads to isolationism. As opposed to compassion, which is reaching out to others in need.

My religious views are known on this forum, but there is one aspect of religion that I do not condemn - the willingness of some people to help others in time of need. We do not need some of the baggage of religion - but we sure as heck need some of its better traits such as compassion, charity, forgiveness, and community.

 

[Frothingslosh]

It's always been my belief that you see what someone is truly like when you see how they react when there are zero negative consequences. It has been my experience, however, that in situations like that, people almost invariably take the low road.

Or in layman's terms,

 

[Scaniafan]

Also known as the bystander effect.

The larger the group, the more people think "the others will help". Whilst everyone is thinking like that, no one acts.

As volunteer in the fire brigade, I've learned to act where others step back. This way, I'm quite often, the only one to stop at for example a traffic accident, whilst others are honking and getting frustrated that they are in slow traffic.

The best way to work around this is to give specific persons in a group of bystanders tasks. Rather than shouting "someone call 911", shout "you with the glasses, call 911" and "you in the red jacket, hold this" etc.

That way you speak to the "internal" responsibility of the specific persons.

 

[Frothingslosh]

The bystander effect refers to the increasing tendency of people to go 'not my problem' based on the size of the group they're in when they see something happening. I was referring to something a bit more active - the way so many people tend to turn actively malevolent when they think there will be no consequences for their actions. Hell, the well-known tendency for people to turn into raging assholes online when they're not using their real names* is just one minor example.

*Don't look at me like that; I'm an asshole in real-life, too!

 

[scott-atkinson]

I think Fear and Greed play a part in this too...

Greed has bred a culture where people are clamoring to make as much money as they can and as a result we have a Blame Claim culture.

Fear has been borne from the above culture as nobody wants to be associated with the Blame.

 

[statsman]

I have been forced on occasion to disappoint family members by being unable to babysit for them.
I was actually available, but I could not find another adult to accompany me.
With the various charges of child abuse being leveled everywhere, there is no way I would look after a child who was not my own without a witness present.
No doubt some think me paranoid.
But I show you the times we live in.

 

[kevlray]

Living in California and finding out if I take a leak outside (in the woods?). I could be prosecuted and labeled a sex offender. As a church volunteer, I was not allowed to be alone in a bathroom with a child (the female gender is allowed), lest someone would accuse me of something.

 

[Alc]

Living in California and finding out if I take a leak outside (in the woods?). I could be prosecuted and labeled a sex offender. As a church volunteer, I was not allowed to be alone in a bathroom with a child (the female gender is allowed), lest someone would accuse me of something.

A few years back, by son used to go to a local daycare. I'd try to time my journey home from work so that I'd arrive at the bus stop next to the daycare about 15 minutes before he was due to be picked up. That way, I could go and watch him play with the other children for a while before we had to leave. Sometimes, he'd ask me into the room and - with the play assistants present - I'd spend a very happy 10/15 minutes playing with him and a few of his friends.

After a couple of weeks, the manager of the business told me that I was no longer allowed to do this, as "some parents" had complained. I'd seen mothers who were picking up their children doing the same thing so I asked who had complained and what the complaints were, exactly. She told me it was because I was a man. I could have pushed it and gone down the whole discrimination route, but I figured it could have made things awkward for my son, so I left it. That experience definitely left an impression on me. I'd far prefer if more fathers took an interest in playing with their children and it wasn't viewed as suspect in some way.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

Alc, this is where I would EXPRESSLY call out the complaining mother and ask her to tell me in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS what was wrong when a father took enough interest in his children to pick them up when the mother wasn't available. I would do my DAMNEDEST to shame that witch and do it in public if necessary to make the point. And IF there were consequences I would confront the business manager on the issue of gender discrimination regarding a parent trying to responsibly care for a child.

You and I might differ on this, but when I see total stupidity in action, ... I do not suffer fools gladly.

 

[KenHigg]

... I do not suffer fools gladly.

.
.
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Golden

 

[Frothingslosh]

I'm kinda with Doc on this one, ALC.

 

[Alc]

For what it's worth, I DID ask the manager who was the person who'd complained and she told me she couldn't say. As annoyed as I was, I can understand this. If the complaint had been a genuine one, I would have expected her to keep the person's name private.

I also asked why the same rule wasn't being applied to the mothers when they collected their kids and she said she wasn't aware of any difference and asked me for the names of anyone who had been doing it. I didn't know any names, so I couldn't provide these.

Ultimately, I let it go because I didn't want to make things awkward for my son, should there be any bad feelings later.

There have been plenty of situations, before and since, where I can say I'd have acted differently and gone on a moral crusade to root out inequality, but then again we all can. It's far easier to do right wrongs years later, over the internet.

 

[Frothingslosh]

To be fair, I actually am the type of person who would, as you put it, 'go on a moral crusade' with the person right there in front of me. It's one of the reasons I say that I play an asshole in real life around here. People will keep doing things like that that are just WRONG until someone rubs their faces in right and wrong. I have no problem being that person.

Doesn't mean I go out looking for fights, or that I get into confrontations every day (or even every week), just that I will not stand idly by while someone is a dick to someone else, be it myself or another person.

And yes, I'm fully aware that it's going to get me shot one of these days.