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and 1936 Presidential elections, and had he been a statesman,
he would have gone back to upstate New York, done something useful, accumulated
wealth, and played slap and tickle with Eleanore. He took a second look at Eleanore,
figured he would have more fun romancing Trigger, knew nothing about accumulating
wealth as demonstrated by his pathetic handling of the economy, and realized he
didn't know a damn thing about being useful. Vowing to remain in Washington and play
slap and tickle with Lucy Mercer, he ran for an unprecedented third term in 1940,
which he won. On December 7, 1941 the Japanese decided reducing pre WWI Battleships
to scrap metal in Pearl Harbor was a master stroke of strategy and on December 8,
FDR declared war on the Japs. The same day, Hitler figured that he could beat a
raving socialist who married the wrong cousin (Eleanore was Cousin B). America was
in the second war with the Bleeding European Idiots.
Roosevelt didn't know a damn thing about the military or fighting a war so, imbecile
that he was, he turned to Winston Churchill for advice. Winnie had been First Lord
of the Admiralty in WWI. In that conflict Churchill's sole contribution was the
battle of Ypres in which he launched an amphibious invasion against the Turkish
Coast against impossible terraine with understrength assault forces who had no
intelligence regarding the defenders, the geography of the landing area, or
knowledge of German Naval Forces North of the landing area. Around 400 Turks threw
the Limeys back into the drink and England had her worst defeat of the war.
Winnie's advice to FDR was that the Allies attack "The Soft Underbelly of Europe"
and not try a cross channel invasion into France since that would be going right
into the teeth of the Nazi stronghold. The Soft Underbelly? Why, Winnie thought we
ought to invade Italy!
Any American with a third grade education, public school or not, can take a look at
a map of Italy, see that it is a narrow penninsula of land which won't permit
maneuver in division strength, and those bumps in the North are called The Alps, you
moron, and they are really tall. Hannibal demonstrated you could get elephants
across them but a WWII tank couldn't make the climb. The same third grader can look
at a map of France, note the nice flat plain after you get off the beach, and knows
the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. London to Berlin is
best accomplished by a cross channel invasion and you can skip the detour though
Rome. But not FDR, and not the Bleeding Idiot Euro guiding him. Oh, no.
In order to invade the Soft Underbelly of Europe we had to first kick Rommel out of
North Africa. FDR and Winnie gave that job to a poorly educated and little known
Brigadier named Montgomery. Rommel met Monty at El Alamein and kicked the
diminuative Monty with the unjustifiably over-sized ego back to Alexandria. FDR and
Winnie were so pleased they promoted the little guy to Field Marshall. Ike sent a
two star by the name of George Patton to the rescue. At the second battle of
Kasserine Pass George kicked the Krauts back to Tobruk and then put the entire
Afrika Corps in the stockade to sit out the rest of the war. FDR and Winnie were so
pissed at George they relieved him of command.
Winnie advised FDR that before they invaded Italy, a real powerhouse of military
might, they needed to invade Sicily. FDR took a look at Benito's military
accomplishment in Ethiopia where the WOP with the Roman nose sent his vaunted Pizza
Army against Hailiee Salassie's spear chuckers in loin cloths, lost two divisions,
and got kicked out of the country. End of the Third Roman Empire. FDR quaked in his
wheel chair, said "Oh shit, oh dear, we'll get killed!" and ordered the invasion of
Sicily. Ike sent George up the west coast of the island, then along the north coast,
kicked the Krauts off the island, and welcomed Monty to tea after the nasty Nazi's
had gone home. FDR and Winnie were so pleased with Monty they knighted him and were
so pissed at George they relieved him of command.
"O.K., Franklin" said Winnie,"We've given Rommel 18 months to get his defenses set
in Italy, so it's time to invade the Soft Underbelly." FDR agreed and the invasion
of Italy started. At the end of the war Allied forces were stuck in the Northern
third of Italy, right at the start of the Alps. Before they got that far, of course,
they fought in the Po River Valley and took Monte Casino. Soft Underbelly, all
right.
While that nonsense was going on Ike was getting the real war organized, namely, the
cross channel invasion, and on June 6, 1944 we hit the Normandy Beaches. Winnie and
FDR didn't object because they had given Rommel 30 months to get his coast defenses
set. Monty got bogged down in a tree line a quarter of a mile east of the beach so
Ike activated the 3rd Army, put George in command, and sent Patton's 3rd racing
toward the Reich. Winnie just hated wining so he convinced FDR to slow down Patton's
charge with Operation Market Garden, a sure fire loser conceived by Monty. Market
Garden required the largest air assault in history with the purpose of capturing
seven bridges intact so Monty's tanks could cross out of the Netherlands by going
North instead of East. I will remind my Dummycrat readers that Berlin is East.
Winnie and FDR approved the plan because they figured the Dutch, who don't know if
they're French or Flemish, wouldn't be any help at all and Patton's arrival at Der
Furher bunker would be delayed.
After Market Garden George got going again when the Red Ball Express delivered gas
for the 3rd's tanks. The 3rd pushed the Krauts off the Allied maps. Wondering where
George was, Omar Bradley sent George a message reminding George not to take
territory east of Remaggen. George replied: "You mean you want me to give it back?"
The Nazis collapsed, we won, and FDR and Winnie were so pleased with Monty they gave
him an estate in Kent and they were so pissed at George they relieved him of
command. FDR, just before VE day, tried having a rational thought. The strain of the
attempt caused his brain to explode in Warm Springs, Georgia.
Cussin' Harry Truman, another Politician, moved his tone deaf daughter and
horse-faced bride into the White House, and promptly set about the business of
screwing up the rest of the war. It was too late to lose the Euro war so Cussin'
Harry turned his attention to the Pacific.
While FDR and Winnie were doing their best to lose Europe, they hadn't overlooked
opportunities to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory against the Japs. Next time
we'll take a look at the Pacific War under both FDR and Cussin' Harry Truman.
he would have gone back to upstate New York, done something useful, accumulated
wealth, and played slap and tickle with Eleanore. He took a second look at Eleanore,
figured he would have more fun romancing Trigger, knew nothing about accumulating
wealth as demonstrated by his pathetic handling of the economy, and realized he
didn't know a damn thing about being useful. Vowing to remain in Washington and play
slap and tickle with Lucy Mercer, he ran for an unprecedented third term in 1940,
which he won. On December 7, 1941 the Japanese decided reducing pre WWI Battleships
to scrap metal in Pearl Harbor was a master stroke of strategy and on December 8,
FDR declared war on the Japs. The same day, Hitler figured that he could beat a
raving socialist who married the wrong cousin (Eleanore was Cousin B). America was
in the second war with the Bleeding European Idiots.
Roosevelt didn't know a damn thing about the military or fighting a war so, imbecile
that he was, he turned to Winston Churchill for advice. Winnie had been First Lord
of the Admiralty in WWI. In that conflict Churchill's sole contribution was the
battle of Ypres in which he launched an amphibious invasion against the Turkish
Coast against impossible terraine with understrength assault forces who had no
intelligence regarding the defenders, the geography of the landing area, or
knowledge of German Naval Forces North of the landing area. Around 400 Turks threw
the Limeys back into the drink and England had her worst defeat of the war.
Winnie's advice to FDR was that the Allies attack "The Soft Underbelly of Europe"
and not try a cross channel invasion into France since that would be going right
into the teeth of the Nazi stronghold. The Soft Underbelly? Why, Winnie thought we
ought to invade Italy!
Any American with a third grade education, public school or not, can take a look at
a map of Italy, see that it is a narrow penninsula of land which won't permit
maneuver in division strength, and those bumps in the North are called The Alps, you
moron, and they are really tall. Hannibal demonstrated you could get elephants
across them but a WWII tank couldn't make the climb. The same third grader can look
at a map of France, note the nice flat plain after you get off the beach, and knows
the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. London to Berlin is
best accomplished by a cross channel invasion and you can skip the detour though
Rome. But not FDR, and not the Bleeding Idiot Euro guiding him. Oh, no.
In order to invade the Soft Underbelly of Europe we had to first kick Rommel out of
North Africa. FDR and Winnie gave that job to a poorly educated and little known
Brigadier named Montgomery. Rommel met Monty at El Alamein and kicked the
diminuative Monty with the unjustifiably over-sized ego back to Alexandria. FDR and
Winnie were so pleased they promoted the little guy to Field Marshall. Ike sent a
two star by the name of George Patton to the rescue. At the second battle of
Kasserine Pass George kicked the Krauts back to Tobruk and then put the entire
Afrika Corps in the stockade to sit out the rest of the war. FDR and Winnie were so
pissed at George they relieved him of command.
Winnie advised FDR that before they invaded Italy, a real powerhouse of military
might, they needed to invade Sicily. FDR took a look at Benito's military
accomplishment in Ethiopia where the WOP with the Roman nose sent his vaunted Pizza
Army against Hailiee Salassie's spear chuckers in loin cloths, lost two divisions,
and got kicked out of the country. End of the Third Roman Empire. FDR quaked in his
wheel chair, said "Oh shit, oh dear, we'll get killed!" and ordered the invasion of
Sicily. Ike sent George up the west coast of the island, then along the north coast,
kicked the Krauts off the island, and welcomed Monty to tea after the nasty Nazi's
had gone home. FDR and Winnie were so pleased with Monty they knighted him and were
so pissed at George they relieved him of command.
"O.K., Franklin" said Winnie,"We've given Rommel 18 months to get his defenses set
in Italy, so it's time to invade the Soft Underbelly." FDR agreed and the invasion
of Italy started. At the end of the war Allied forces were stuck in the Northern
third of Italy, right at the start of the Alps. Before they got that far, of course,
they fought in the Po River Valley and took Monte Casino. Soft Underbelly, all
right.
While that nonsense was going on Ike was getting the real war organized, namely, the
cross channel invasion, and on June 6, 1944 we hit the Normandy Beaches. Winnie and
FDR didn't object because they had given Rommel 30 months to get his coast defenses
set. Monty got bogged down in a tree line a quarter of a mile east of the beach so
Ike activated the 3rd Army, put George in command, and sent Patton's 3rd racing
toward the Reich. Winnie just hated wining so he convinced FDR to slow down Patton's
charge with Operation Market Garden, a sure fire loser conceived by Monty. Market
Garden required the largest air assault in history with the purpose of capturing
seven bridges intact so Monty's tanks could cross out of the Netherlands by going
North instead of East. I will remind my Dummycrat readers that Berlin is East.
Winnie and FDR approved the plan because they figured the Dutch, who don't know if
they're French or Flemish, wouldn't be any help at all and Patton's arrival at Der
Furher bunker would be delayed.
After Market Garden George got going again when the Red Ball Express delivered gas
for the 3rd's tanks. The 3rd pushed the Krauts off the Allied maps. Wondering where
George was, Omar Bradley sent George a message reminding George not to take
territory east of Remaggen. George replied: "You mean you want me to give it back?"
The Nazis collapsed, we won, and FDR and Winnie were so pleased with Monty they gave
him an estate in Kent and they were so pissed at George they relieved him of
command. FDR, just before VE day, tried having a rational thought. The strain of the
attempt caused his brain to explode in Warm Springs, Georgia.
Cussin' Harry Truman, another Politician, moved his tone deaf daughter and
horse-faced bride into the White House, and promptly set about the business of
screwing up the rest of the war. It was too late to lose the Euro war so Cussin'
Harry turned his attention to the Pacific.
While FDR and Winnie were doing their best to lose Europe, they hadn't overlooked
opportunities to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory against the Japs. Next time
we'll take a look at the Pacific War under both FDR and Cussin' Harry Truman.
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