I have learned that I am a distant cousin (through marriage) to Samuel L Clemens (a.k.a. Mark Twain) and that I am part Cherokee Native American - but not enough to claim tribal membership. I'm too watered down.
I also learned that I had several ancestors in the USA Civil War, one of whom lost a hand due to the meat-grinder style of surgery they employed at the time.
After a thorough search, though, I cannot find any monkeys anywhere in the last several generations. Therefore, the person who called me a monkey's uncle must have been joking or something...