Is it me? Or is it rude?

[TessB]

I'm not a prude.
Let me start out by saying that right up front.
I think you (well, most of you) know me quite well enough that you know that is true.

But, when a woman, or even several women, are in the company of men, talking, laughing, engaged in conversation with said men.... is it rude, when another woman or girl walks by, for all the men to stop the conversation and turn to ogle the passing female?

It could be me... I know...
But I just think it is horribly rude.

I'd really like to know what other women really think about that... I'm sure we've all been in that situation before. And then the guys can chime in and call me a prude.

 

[Vassago]

What was she wearing? Was she cute? Would you gawk at someone like Johnny Depp suddenly in that situation if it were opposite?

 

[pono1]

Sorry, did you say something?

Just kidding around -- it's a bit insensitive, I suppose. Would've had to have been there, though, to gauge the degree... Did they also whistle and say things like "Mamma Mia" or "Hamanahamanahamana" or "God help me!" If so, that's a higher degree...of something...

 

[MrsGorilla]

But, when a woman, or even several women, are in the company of men, talking, laughing, engaged in conversation with said men.... is it rude, when another woman or girl walks by, for all the men to stop the conversation and turn to ogle the passing female?

Yes, it's rude. I take it you're speaking from personal experience.?

Would you gawk at someone like Johnny Depp suddenly in that situation if it were opposite?

We would be discreet.

 

[MsLady]

I think it's rude and absolutely unacceptable, but i've gotten so used to it that i've actually caught myself ogling along a few times also (esp. if she's wearing something catdamn sexy) Imagine being raised in a house with 6 brothers! You are forced to check out all the bootey and mamaritas along with the dudes. And now im the only female in my dept, when we go out together-the guys here can be very unprofessional even when they pretend to be. guys are stupid! chics rock!

 

[TessB]

What was she wearing? Was she cute? Would you gawk at someone like Johnny Depp suddenly in that situation if it were opposite?

I think girls are different.
How many times have YOU been in a situation that the girls gawk?
I can bet you MUCH less... if any times at all... than your average woman has experienced this.

 

[david.brent]

I work in an atmosphere similar to what you describe. IT in our organisation is largely male dominated. I would expect the average age is mid 40s. The first time I saw this happen I was amazed. They broke off in mid sentence, drooled, then picked up the sentence as if the hadn't stopped. I asked them about it and the looked at me as though I was weird.

My background is that I came over from the business side and have worked with/managed many of these workplace honeys. The others have always been in IT and are not used to seeing woman unless they are looking at a magazine.

Last week I did notice something quite odd we were in discussion when a stone cold fox sauntered past no one paid her much attention. She then walked past again and tripped a little and everyone turned and was delighted to see her.

I went to see her later (I worked with her for 3 years) and asked her why she walked past twice. She told me that no-one seemed to notice her the first time so she'd walked past and stumbled to make sure that they would notice her and her new 'bingo' top (her term. Means a low cut top which encourages - the top not the person - 'eyes down').

I'm not condoning anyone’s behaviour and would suggest that she would be in the minority. Maybe people could wear badges to let others know if it's ok to ogle them.

Overall, I don't like it but I would like to hear more from MsLady about her ogling experiences. Just so we can get a more rounded view on things.

 

[ColinEssex]

Its quite normal in Essex. In fact, the girls / women often dress to get the desired effect. If men don't perv over them then in the eyes of their mates, they have failed.

Col

 

[david.brent]

That girl can't be from Essex (got family in Church Langley, Harlow).

Where are the white high heels, the Burberry cap and the double buggy covered in cigarette ash.

 

[Bodisathva]

If there is no romantic connection between the original group of males and the original female, it is not rude. As the males are expressing lust and desire for another female, the shun should only be perceived if the female in question secretly harbors desires for one of the ogling males and therefore, subconsciously, senses competition from the ogled female.

...something you forgot to tell us Tess?

 

[MrsGorilla]

If there is no romantic connection between the original group of males and the original female, it is not rude.

It's not rude to break off your conversation with someone to look at someone else?

I would say it's a little rude. Not a punishable offence, but a little rude.

 

[Bodisathva]

It's not rude to break off your conversation with someone to look at someone else?

no... Assuming they don't leave the little congregation to chase down the female in question and at least have enough common sense to not create an extended pause in the conversation. But perhaps the basis for the perception is where the quandary lies?

 

[Lyndseyd]

I agree with Bodisathva... if there is no connection with the group then no it doesn't matter. If im talking to a bunch of girls, yeah they turn around if a good looking guy is walking past...and i do too . Its also the same if im chatting to a group of guys...i just find it funny... especially as most often they have no chance with the girl anyway. If i had feelings for one of the guys i was talking to, then i guess it would bother me...or if i was talking to my boyfriend and he did it...then there would be trouble

 

[Pauldohert]

U should admire their honesty , a good looking girl is a good looking girl.

They don't have to know what car she drives , if shes a doctor or how much she gets paid to know she is attractive.

Also you should admire that, they will tell each other of the opportunity to share a glimpse of a good looking girl. Truely selfless.

 

[MrsGorilla]

no... Assuming they don't leave the little congregation to chase down the female in question and at least have enough common sense to not create an extended pause in the conversation. But perhaps the basis for the perception is where the quandary lies?

You highlighted in red the word look. It's not the looking that I would care about, it's the total pause in conversation as if nothing else matters at that moment that I would consider to be rude. I mean, EVERYBODY looks.

 

[ColinEssex]

You highlighted in red the word look. It's not the looking that I would care about, it's the total pause in conversation as if nothing else matters at that moment that I would consider to be rude. I mean, EVERYBODY looks.

There's not usually a pause between the conversation and the "phwaar!! look at that"

Col

 

[MrsGorilla]

There's not usually a pause between the conversation and the "phwaar!! look at that"

Speaking from experience?

Besides, the "phwaar!! look at that" is a pause in the conversation. Just not a silent pause.

 

[ColinEssex]

Speaking from experience?

As I have mentioned before - the British culture for a night out amongst younger people (especially girls) is to pour as much alcohol down their neck and get bladdered as quickly as possible and to end up either in the gutter / in "bed" with someone or in jail sleeping it off.

It is more common on a friday and saturday night and I would suggest a trip to any town centre (especially Colchester) will show this as being true.

Col

 

[MrsGorilla]

As I have mentioned before - the British culture for a night out amongst younger people (especially girls) is to pour as much alcohol down their neck and get bladdered as quickly as possible and to end up either in the gutter / in "bed" with someone or in jail sleeping it off.

I'm sure some of that goes on about anywhere.

I used to know some people like that back in my younger days...

 

[Vassago]

I asked my wife and she said she doesn't find it rude. She said she noticed that I never look at other females even though she looks at other people, guys and girls, not necessarily because of lust as stated earlier in the thread, just because you can't help but notice some people I suppose.

So, I stand by my statement. I don't find it rude. You don't actually even know WHY they looked. How do you know they looked because of lust? Maybe they are secretly transvestites who wanted to know where she shops? Just saying....