Joke (one for the Brits)

[GaryPanic]

A Jelly Baby walks into a bar and starts talking to a Smartie. After a
> few
> beers the Smartie says, "Ere, a bunch of us are heading to that new
> club, fancy tagging along?"
>
> The Jelly Baby says, "No mate, I'm a soft centre, I always end up
> getting my head kicked in."
>
> So Smartie says, "Don't worry about it, I'm a bit of a hard case, I'll
> look after you."
>
> Jelly Baby thinks about it for a minute and says, "Fair enough, as
> long as you'll look after me", and off they go.
>
> After a few more beers in the club, three Lockets walk in. As soon as
> he sees them, Smartie hides under the table.
>
> The Lockets take one look at Jelly Baby and start kicking him,
> breaking cola bottles over his little jelly head, lamping him with
> little sugary chairs, and generally having a laugh.
>
> After a while they get bored and walk out. Jelly Baby pulls his
> battered Jelly Baby body over to the table and wipes up his Jelly Baby
> blood and turns to Smartie and says, "I thought you were going to look
after me."
>
> I was!" says Smartie, "But those Lockets are f***ing menthol".

 

[Len Boorman]

Are you saying that others do not have a sense of humour ????

The Yanks won't like that

 

[GaryPanic]

I don't think they get lockets - and yes the Yanks have a great sense of humor look at the clown they have as their leader

 

[ColinEssex]

Judging by the posts on these forums, it seems the Yanks have lost their sense of humour and they take everything personally.
Must be something in their Dasani (tap) water

Col

 

[Rich]

I don't think they get lockets - and yes the Yanks have a great sense of humor look at the clown they have as their leader

Please don't mock the afflicted

 

[dan-cat]

I don't think they get lockets - and yes the Yanks have a great sense of humor look at the clown they have as their leader

You sure you got that right?

 

[BarryMK]

You sure you got that right?

Tou Bloody che!

 

[ShaneMan]

OK, I'll admit. This is one Yank (prefer to called Rebel, I'm from the South) does not have a clue what any of this is talking about. I can read that it's English words but do not have any idea what they are saying. Might as well be another language as far as I'm concerned. Maybe one of the UK'ers could translate for me. Heck, this joke might even be funny, if I knew what it was saying.


QUOTE=GaryPanic]A Jelly Baby walks into a bar and starts talking to a Smartie. After a
> few
> beers the Smartie says, "Ere, a bunch of us are heading to that new
> club, fancy tagging along?"
>
> The Jelly Baby says, "No mate, I'm a soft centre, I always end up
> getting my head kicked in."
>
> So Smartie says, "Don't worry about it, I'm a bit of a hard case, I'll
> look after you."
>
> Jelly Baby thinks about it for a minute and says, "Fair enough, as
> long as you'll look after me", and off they go.
>
> After a few more beers in the club, three Lockets walk in. As soon as
> he sees them, Smartie hides under the table.
>
> The Lockets take one look at Jelly Baby and start kicking him,
> breaking cola bottles over his little jelly head, lamping him with
> little sugary chairs, and generally having a laugh.
>
> After a while they get bored and walk out. Jelly Baby pulls his
> battered Jelly Baby body over to the table and wipes up his Jelly Baby
> blood and turns to Smartie and says, "I thought you were going to look
after me."
>
> I was!" says Smartie, "But those Lockets are f***ing menthol".[/QUOTE]

 

[BarryMK]

Might as well be another language as far as I'm concerned. Maybe one of the UK'ers could translate for me.

At your service.

A Jelly Baby (Candy in the form of a baby made from what you colonial types refer to as jello) walks into a bar and starts talking to a Smartie (more candy rather like an M&M). After a few beers the Smartie says, "Ere, a bunch of us are heading to that new club, fancy tagging along?" ("Hello old chap, some chums and I are off to sample that new entertainment establishment, would you care to accompany us?")
The Jelly Baby says, "No mate, I'm a soft centre, I always end up getting my head kicked in." ("No thanks - I'm a bit of a softy, there's a very good chance that I may be picked upon by ruffians")

So Smartie says, "Don't worry about it, I'm a bit of a hard case ("I'm rather tough"), I'll look after you."

Jelly Baby thinks about it for a minute and says, "Fair enough, as long as you'll look after me", and off they go.

After a few more beers in the club, three Lockets (Hard, boiled throat sweets containing honey and menthol) walk in. As soon as he sees them, Smartie hides under the table.

The Lockets take one look at Jelly Baby and start kicking him, breaking cola (Undrinkable American beverage) bottles over his little jelly head, (could be difficult, I grant you - you'd think they would bounce) lamping (striking) him with little sugary chairs (more candy), and generally having a laugh. (Enjoying themselves in an aggressive manner)
After a while they get bored and walk out. Jelly Baby pulls his battered Jelly Baby body over to the table and wipes up his Jelly Baby blood and turns to Smartie and says, "I thought you were going to look after me."

I was!" says Smartie, "But those Lockets are f***ing (very) menthol (mental)".

Oh dear I fear the joke wasn't strong enough to start with.

 

[dan-cat]

At your service.

You have way too much time on your hands

 

[GaryPanic]

Tony Blair - totally agree,a bigger clown than Bush but more of a muppet than a clown and guess who's hand is where

 

[ShaneMan]

At your service.

Thanks Barry, for taking the time to translate but I guess I'm going to have to be resolved to the fact of having a Southern sense of humor and say I must not get it cause that ain't funny. (no offense intended Gary)

Shane

 

[FoFa]

Ok, I had everything except the LAMPING and the MENTHOL parts. Even after understanding those two, I am not drawing the humor between the tough guy (Smartie) and the the Lockets being mental. Or is there some other correlation
I am missing?

 

[Fifty2One]

lol
i nearly shat...
...havent laughed so much since aunt mary got her left tit caught in the mangle

 

[KalelGmoon]

lol
i nearly shat...
...havent laughed so much since aunt mary got her left tit caught in the mangle

lol now that is some funny stuff right there Fifty

and I got everything except what a Locket was until it was translated, pretty funny

 

[Len Boorman]

Hmmmm

Two countries divided by a common language really does seem to ring true

L

 

[BarryMK]

Thanks Barry, for taking the time to translate but I guess I'm going to have to be resolved to the fact of having a Southern sense of humor and say I must not get it cause that ain't funny. (no offense intended Gary)

Shane

I'd agree it's not the word's greatest joke but what humour there is pivots on the final phrase 'But those Lockets are f***ing menthol'

'f'***ing mental' is a Brit euphemism for someone who is crazy, usually in an aggressive way (think thug), so it works primarily on the interchange and interplay of similar sounding words. This type of amusing (to us) wordplay has been part of our humour at least since Shakespearean times so we've had a long time to develop it. You guys must have dropped it overboard from the Mayflower!.

You have way too much time on your hands

I was merely prepared to spend a little of my valuable time in the spirit of mutual understanding between our two great nations. Anyway I shall use my musings here as the primary tenet of my Open University thesis for my degree in Sociology and American Studies.

 

[dan-cat]

'f'***ing mental' is a Brit euphemism for someone who is crazy, usually in an aggressive way (think thug), so it works primarily on the interchange and interplay of similar sounding words.

Please excuse my fellow compatriots on their ignorance of the use of puns.

I was merely prepared to spend a little of my valuable time in the spirit of mutual understanding between our two great nations.

You'll be glad to hear that I have spent most of my valuable time today playing MS Combat Flight Simulator 3.

 

[BarryMK]

Please excuse my fellow compatriots on their ignorance of the use of puns.

Think nothing of it DC, they cannot help their upbringing, we should never have let that tea party in Boston rend us asunder.

You'll be glad to hear that I have spent most of my valuable time today playing MS Combat Flight Simulator 3.

Crash'nBurn baby!

 

[emcf]

You'll be glad to hear that I have spent most of my valuable time today playing MS Combat Flight Simulator 3.

at risk of further derailing a derailed thread: i've not played this...i swear by f18 super hornet as it is brilliant with a proper joystick....have you played them both? if so, how do they compare?