Should all kids groups be mixed? (1 Viewer)

[Awesomo]

Hi
Bit of background - I have a son and a daughter, both go to mixed schools. That is, a school with girls and boys in the class.
My son in a scout group. There has been a big push in recent years to bring girls into the scout group. My daughter is in the Girl Guides. There has been no push to bring boys in.
My son was in an all boys group, but for several reasons I recently moved him to a different scout group. I knew the leader of the new group, nice guy but I never asked if he had girls in the group. And it was so obvious to him that he never mentioned it. So I didn't realise until the first night I brought my son and his friend.
After the meeting I asked him how he got on, and he seemed just ok about it. But I know its hard joining any new group of people, I thought it would get better. Now 4 weeks later, he doesn't want to go any more. Not a particular problem with anyone, he just doesn't want to be in a group with girls. He'd rather find a different group, one with boys only in it.
He gets on well with the girls in his school, so its not a problem with girls in general. But more he just wants man time I guess.
I'm not sure what to make of it. If my daughter said she didn't want boys in her group, I'd smile and say of course you don't. But society, and probably myself as well, seem to have a problem with boy only groups.

So now I've got to decide if I make him keep going. Or move him to a different group.
But it leads to a more general question - should boys have time where "boys will be boys". Or should we be moving past those times?
I don't think there is a right or wrong answer, just interested in others thoughts on this.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

It is natural for kids of various ages to want be with their own gender because of the social pressure inherent in being part of a mixed group. A large part of it might be that there is some embarrassment regarding exposure to those cootie-laden creatures that are somehow different. So kids wait until they understand that other gender better. Eventually they figure it out enough to get by. (Although at age 68 I'm still baffled sometimes...)

In essence, a kid avoids the pressure even if we don't see it. Until, of course, the kid starts noticing the opposite gender with greater interest. You avoided mentioning ages, so my generic answer is that gender-group isolation is normal for younger children and less normal for older ones.

Mixed-gender classes help with socialization and might (repeat with emphasis MIGHT) help speed up the feeling of comfort in the presence of the other gender, but it does so only at the cost of increasing the anxiety level at the same time. In essence, forced socialization is actually forcing the kid to learn coping skills.

Right now I'm still seeing this in my #2 grandson, who is 9. He's still in the "they've got GIRL-cooties" stage and wants no part of it. His older brother, on the other hand, has passed that particular stage.

 

[scott-atkinson]

I don't believe that you should force your child to do something that he clearly does not want to do. In my opinion this will only result in further resentment from your child in the group and also in his father for making him do it.

He is around girls at School and you say he gets on well. Give him some Boy time with other boys in something that he enjoys, he has enough interaction with girls in school that he will not be become gender isolated.

 

[Awesomo]

Thanks guys.
I'm not worried about him become gender isolated, and Scott is probably right about not making him do it. I think its ok to make kids give something a go, but not to continue at it if they clearly don't like it.
Seeing it all written down, its just as interesting to see how my own thoughts go. If my daughter wants girlie activities, I'd have no problem. But I think I've nearly become conditioned to a sort of "equal rights for all", so that boy only activities are nearly "bad". Which of course they're not.
God knows I'd go mental if I didn't have my own weekly (or more!) mens nights.

Now if he was older and wanted to join one of those exclusive and expensive men only golf clubs. Then I'd have to object.

 

[Vassago]

Part of the problem is how society labels activities to certain genders. Why can't a boy want to be a cook? I think Gordon Ramsay would approve! It drives me crazy when I hear gender being applied to something that isn't limited by gender.