What's your best/worst joke? (3 Viewers)

[AccessBlaster]

 

[AccessBlaster]

 

[NauticalGent]

“Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

JOE BIDEN: Why did the chicken do the...thing in the...you know the thing.

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

AOC: Chickens should not be forced to lay eggs! This is because of corporate greed! Eggs should be able to lay themselves.

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way the chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

KING DAVID: O Lord, why dost the chicken cross the road? And why art the chicken hawks beset around it? Surely in vain, the road is crossed in the sight of any predator.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2014, which will not only crossroads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2014. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?”

MAXINE WATERS: That damn chicken is so racist. If you see that chicken in the road again, in a department store or in a restaurant, you create a crowd & push back on him and you tell that chicken that he’s not welcome."

 

[AccessBlaster]

That pretty much sums it up

 

[The_Doc_Man]

And yet in the MeToo era, nobody added the most obvious reason: To get away from the rooster!

 

[deletedT]

I don't know most of them, But Trump, Obama, Bush & Gill Gates was exactly as I had imagined. With this corona virus around, it's been a long time since the last time I had a laugh like this.

 

[AccessBlaster]

 

[Micron]

Why does anyone care about that sort of thing anymore? It's OK for Trump to say on tape that he grabs a woman's you-know-what (which is definitely sexual assault) and still get elected thus JB gets a pass for mis-placed affection - or whatever you want to call it. I don't recall any Republican candidates raising the assault issue during the debates so it's even-steven.

 

[AccessBlaster]

It's fun to see the hypocrites, you know like Justin in black face.

 

[Micron]

I just realized something - these comments don't belong in this thread - unless you think the situation is funny I guess.

How about Al Jolson in black face? Or Eddie Cantor? George Jessel? Megan Kelley? Alabama Governor Kay Ivey (R)? Joy Behar? Florida Secretary of State Michael Ertel? Virginia Governor Ralph Northam (D)? Virginia Attorney General Mark Herring? Jimmy Kimmel? Luann de Lesseps? Joni Mitchell? Jason Aldean? New York state lawmaker Dov Hikind? Julianne Hough? Colton Haynes? Sarah Silverman? Jimmy Fallon? Ted Danson?

Are they all hypocrites too? Some of those were within the last 6 years or so when the fools ought to have known better. Hope you don't live in a glass house.

 

[AccessBlaster]

Are they all hypocrites too?

Yes because the rules dictate it, I don't make the rules I just laugh at them.

 

[Micron]

So where/when did they ever say/write anything that advocated that this was improper behaviour then do it anyway?
Do you actually know what a hypocrite is?

 

[AccessBlaster]

Do you actually know what a hypocrite is?

Yeah Justin

Hypocrisy is the contrivance of a false appearance of virtue or goodness, while concealing real character traits or inclinations, especially with respect to religious and moral beliefs; hence, in a general sense, hypocrisy may involve dissimulation, pretense, or a sham.

 

[Micron]

I see a pattern here and it must be related to Adam being missing in action. It seems that the position of Forum Troll is vacant and you're vying for it. You'll have to earn it without my help.
Good luck.

 

[AccessBlaster]

Again i didn't write the rules, i just notice the selective nature in which they are applied.

Kinda do miss Adam, another victim of someone's rules? Lol

 

[CJ_London]

on a lighter note

 

[Uncle Gizmo]

Eli's Dirty Jokes - Episode 22 - Sunset Island

 

[kevlray]

Also at Casinos, the slots at the door get played more since that are the first machines people have access to and the last ones they may put in money before they leave.

 

[AccessBlaster]

Q: What do you call a cow that just gave birth?

A: Decaf.

 

[NauticalGent]