What's your best/worst joke?

Farmer Dan got into his car, drove to the neighbouring farm and knocked at the door. A young boy, Eddie, aged about 10, opened the door.

"Is yer Dad home?" Dan demanded.
"No, sir, he ain't," Eddie replied. "He went into town."

"Well, then", inquired Dan, "Is yer Mum here?"
"No, sir, she ain't here neither. She went into town with Dad."

"How about your brother, is he here?"
"He went with Mum and Dad," explained Eddie patiently.

Farmer Dan stood there for a few seconds, shifting from one foot to the other and muttering to himself.

"Is there anything I can do for ya?" Eddie asked politely. "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one. Or maybe I could take a message for Dad."

"Well, it's difficult," answered Dan uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter pregnant."

Eddie considered for a moment, "You would have to talk to Pa about that," he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges £600 for the bull and £60 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets for Howard."
 
There was a church that had a very big-busted organist. Her breasts were so huge that they bounced and jiggled while she played. Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist. One of the ladies approached her very discreetly and told her to mash up some green persimmons, (if you eat them they make you pucker, because they are so sour) and rub them on your breasts and maybe they would shrink in size. She agreed to try it. The following Sunday morning the minister got up on the pulpit and said: 'Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol we will not hath a thermon tewday.'
 
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Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the Director of Nursing became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound-mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in his bathroom with the belt to his robe right after you saved him I am so sorry, but he's dead." Edna replied "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"
 
AccessBlaster said:
View attachment 84615
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Some daydreams are fascinating.
For example, isn't it interesting that, if - in some dream world - The whole USA, every person with an email address, would get an email (tonight), with this link:

... Trump would probably win the election by a landslide?

Sometimes I just muse about crazy stuff. Elections are all about information. If I were Trump I'd purchase a marketing list containing every known USA email address and just send the link. A few people will sue you for spam, OK. Move on and win the election by 75%.
 
It's intriguing, but how in the world can anyone know precisely how the audio from that clip came to be?
I have to admit. Although I'm completely receptive to the possibility that he did have an earpiece and wouldn't put it past him AT ALL...Yet, this issue seems like kind of a nonstarter to me. He will always say it was an hearing aid. We will always wonder if it was an earpiece. Nobody will ever know.

I mean, if videos are easy to doctor nowadays (not to me, but for people who have that particular skill), then audio overlays have to be so easy I could do them with windows media player on windows 95. I'm just sayin
 
Ahh, ha ha ha - I missed which forum I was in. You got me!
Except I am not sure it actually is a joke, but I guess we'll never know so we might as well laugh heartily :LOL:
 
More of a humorous saying, and substitute 'dba' for anything else you want:

"Dear Lord... I'm a DBA so please give me patience because, if you give me strength, I'm going to need bail money too!"
Click to expand...
 
Isaac, you must have worked as a government contractor in my office - although in my case, it was a sys admin rather than a DBA. But we used to threaten to wear the T-shirt with the sentiment "Frustration is that feeling you get when you cannot choke the living shit out of someone who most assuredly deserves it."
 
A new supermarket opened in Tampa, Florida...

It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mowed hay.

In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.

I don't buy toilet paper there any more.
 
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