What's your best/worst joke?

[NauticalGent]

"2 men have a conversation"

That isnt too much of a stretch...had you said "2 men have a meaningful conversation", now that would have been a good joke!

 

[AccessBlaster]

Apparently, you can't use beef stew as your password. It's not stroganoff.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

Unfortunately, the "like" system with a limited choice of emojis did not include a "groan."

 

[NauticalGent]

What do you call a herd of masterbating cattle?

 

[The_Doc_Man]

I don't know, but they ARE inarticulate animals. Do you think if you call them, they would come?

A quick search of the net reveals over 500 euphemisms for masturbation. I remember an article in the magazine Maledicta that listed over 250 such euphemisms. Remember, I'm an amateur writer and have seen LOTS of things related to language research and documentation.

 

[AccessBlaster]

See 3,342 for a hint

 

[The_Doc_Man]

Did you note my double entendre in 3345? But the problem with discerning puns is that sometimes, particularly when there is potential for a two-word bon mot, it isn't the "smutty" word that you miss... it is the OTHER word that makes it a clever turn of phrase. I could call it a herd of beef jerky but that doesn't seem quite right for the context. Maybe I'm overthinking it.

 

[NauticalGent]

Maybe I'm overthinking it.

Like that NEVER happens! Beef jerky...not bad...

 

[conception_native_0123]

"2 men have a conversation"

2 men walk into a bar. the 3rd one ducked.

 

[kevlray]

2 men walk into a bar. the 3rd one ducked.

Similar to a blond joke I have heard.

 

[conception_native_0123]

Similar to a blond joke I have heard.

and that is?

 

[Cronk]

Two work friends walk into a bar. The first said I got in touch with my inner self this morning. The second said is that so and the response was I told my wife never to buy that cheap toilet paper again.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

This is probably a repeat, but Cronk's entry invites this one:

Two hunters were out in the woods. One of them says "I've got to poop but we don't have any toilet paper." His friend says, "Well, hell, just wipe your bum with a dollar." A few minutes later the first guy says, "That's the last time I'll take YOUR advice. Now my hand is covered with crap and I have four quarters stuck where the sun don't shine."

 

[conception_native_0123]

Now my hand is covered with crap and I have four quarters stuck where the sun don't shine."

it was good richard, but it was not THAT good.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

Given that the subject matter was pretty crappy, I don't think you could have expected an elegant joke, Adam.

 

[conception_native_0123]

I don't think you could have expected an elegant joke, Adam.

i ALWAYS expect elegance from you, richard. so don't let me down again my friend!

 

[The_Doc_Man]

The best response is <<pbbtttt>> a.k.a. "wet raspberry"

 

[conception_native_0123]

<<pbbtttt>>

i don't recall anything in HTML looking of the sort. (maybe I should've gone another way with this answer)

 

[CJ_London]

A few days ago it was a neighbours 40th birthday and her husband had asked what she wanted

‘something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds’ was the reply

on the day of her birthday she stepped outside her front door…


…only to find a set of bathroom scales on the driveway

her husband hasn’t been since….

 

[AccessBlaster]

Yes, saw that one the other day.