What's your best/worst joke?

[Steve R.]

These kind of stories are called "The Stella Awards" and mostly are false.

You raise a valid point concerning cases appearing in the media where you have to depend on the integrity of those reporting. But then there are the incomprehensible cases where you are actually a witness to a bizarre legal decision.

If I had, as programmer, been given a task of putting something together for a language that I did not know, I would start researching how to do it. If training was available, I would willingly go. It would be a fun learning experience. I would consider it being a paid vacation!!! But to refuse to learn and to refuse to attend training is unbelievable. But, then to assert "harassment" for management insisting that you to do your work is beyond belief.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

The police have confirmed that the man who fell from the roof of a nightclub last night was not a bouncer.

Sadly, we don't have a "GROAN" icon.

 

[NauticalGent]

 

[AccessBlaster]

 

[NauticalGent]

View attachment 100931

Hell, I'd buy that just for the novelty!

 

[The_Doc_Man]

MIGHT slow down some of those folks who drive while texting. Sadly, might not. But at least the odds would greatly improve that we would get them off the street faster due to the greater odds of them having a bad wreck.

 

[NauticalGent]

 

[KitaYama]

 

[Jan Pawlowski]

My worst joke was a pickup line: "I'm here, which means your first wish is granted. What will be the other two?" It somehow worked, don't ask how.

 

[Cotswold]

Hell, I'd buy that just for the novelty!

Hey, don't knock it. I've had one for years and thought all Access programmers used them.

 

[Cotswold]

This is a joke that a woman thought was funny, but I'll tell you anyway.

Question : Why is it that unmarried women are thinner than married women?
Answer : A single woman comes home, sees what is in the fridge and just goes to bed. A married woman comes home, sees what is in the bed and goes to the fridge.

 

[Isaac]

Please accept my apologies, it did not even occur to me that the word "khaki" could be pronounced differently and completely lose its meaning Within the context of the joke. I presume it's because you are more likely to call a "car" an automobile or auto.

Anyway, it's my turn, I had a senior moment! Wish I was blonde.

Ha ha, no, it's because we pronounce "car" as "car" (including the R) rather than "CAH" - but new yorkers would have gotten it.
It's fun to peruse these old pages!

 

[NauticalGent]

 

[Steve R.]

Why is the mushroom always invited to the party?

Spoiler

Because he is a fungi

Did you hear about the new restaurant that opened on the Moon?

Spoiler

Great Food, but no atmosphere

What did the buffalo say to his son has he left?

Spoiler

Bison

How fast is milk?

Spoiler

It's pasteurized before you know it.

From Guy Fieri, Grocery Games show.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

@Jon, we need to add a "Groan" emoji to the options in the LIKE list.

 

[kevlray]

There used to be a show of TV called Hee Haw. There was a segment where they would sing a song with the lyrics "If it weren't for bad luck, I have no luck at all'. I think we can change the lyrics 'If it weren't for bad jokes, I have no jokes at all'.

By the way, they were pretty famous for telling some really bad jokes.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

By the way, they were pretty famous for telling some really bad jokes.

Matter of opinion. Some of the Hee Haw jokes were actually quite funny, given that it was a show suitable for children (most of the time) and they had really cute actresses for some of the sketch comedy. Therefore, they snuck in more than a couple of "naughty" little double entendres. But the REAL benefit of Hee Haw was that usually once per show or sometimes every other show, Roy Clark would play his guitar. You didn't have to like country music because they did other things. There is a You Tube video you could look up in which Roy Clark plays that classical flamenco song "Malaguena" in a spectacular demonstration of complex fingering. They would also have guest artists whose abilities would blow you away if you understood music performance issues for that instrument. For instance, Glen Campbell was known as a singer, but he was a virtuoso guitarist too.

 

[KitaYama]

 

[NauticalGent]

 

[KitaYama]

In my childhood, we didn't have remote controls in our house yet. The little children of the house used to work as a remote control in those days.
The system was quite simple. Our mom or dad used to tell us a channel name. There were only a few TV channels anyway. We would detect the mother/father command sound with our ear sensors and find out which channel it corresponds to in our brain. Then we would change the channel by pressing the button on the TV with our fingers.
Then came the remote controls. We children lost our job where we earned candy and chocolate in return Because we had succumbed to technology. I hate technology to this day.