What's your best/worst joke?

I remember in the not so distant past when individuals came under attact for stating an opinion they were told "you need to grow a thicker skin".

Maybe I just remember things different.
 
Grandpa and Grandma were living with their son and daughter-in-law.
Grandpa noticed that his son had a bottle of Viagra and asked if he
could have one.
His son said, "Dad, I don't think you should take one - they're very
strong and expensive."
Grandpa said, "I know, but I want to try one. How much are they??"
His son replied, "$10 each."
Grandpa only had a $50 bill but was going to the bank.
He told his son that he would leave $10 under his pillow that night.
The next morning his son found $110 under his pillow and said, "Dad, I
told you it was only $10. There's $110 under my pillow!"
Grandpa said, "That's ok, the other $100 is from Grandma!"
 
at the risk of offending someone, somewhere

A wealthy Arab Sheik was admitted to hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his type of blood in case the need arose.

As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out.
Finally, a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.

After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman, in appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, 5 carats of diamonds and $50,000 dollars.

A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through corrective surgery.

The hospital telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate more of his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Black Magic chocolates.

The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had before.
He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another BMW, diamonds and money ... but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of
chocolates."

To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I have Scottish blood in ma veins now".


 
This won't offend anyone outside of North West England.

What's the definition of a Yorkshire-man
.
.
.
A Scotsman with all the generosity ground out of him.

As half Scottish I am allowed this one
 
And there's NG, still completely ignoring the explanation of WHY that one single joke, of all the ones posted here, pissed me off.

And you guys say *I* have a thin skin. At least I'm not still crying about it four days later.

Also, I absolutely got a chuckle out of the Arab/Scot joke. :p

And Vassago, 'tool' hardly bothers me. I've been called far worse, even here on this board.
 
CJ_London said:
at the risk of offending someone, somewhere

A wealthy Arab Sheik was admitted to hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his type of blood in case the need arose.

As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out.
Finally, a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.

After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman, in appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, 5 carats of diamonds and $50,000 dollars.

A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through corrective surgery.

The hospital telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate more of his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Black Magic chocolates.

The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had before.
He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another BMW, diamonds and money ... but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of
chocolates."

To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I have Scottish blood in ma veins now".


Click to expand...

Technically, the Arab had Scottish Blood in his veins after the first procedure so the joke doesnt really work if you walk it through and re-apply the punchline... :rolleyes:

But heck it's only a joke so who cares... ;)
 
And the winner of the January Pedant award goes to... ;)
 
And you guys say *I* have a thin skin. At least I'm not still crying about it four days later.
Click to expand...
Sorry about that, it wasn't directed at you.

Back in the day the class clown came out of the watercooler and attacked a member in a sports thread. The guy was being attacked for volunteering in a charity. That dude got offended. Somehow he needed to grow a thicker skin.

Its all politics and the mods a not immune.;)
 
And the winner of the January Pedant award goes to...
Click to expand...

Wait... we have an AWARD for that and I wasn't notified that I was in the running?
 
AccessBlaster said:
Sorry about that, it wasn't directed at you.

Back in the day the class clown came out of the watercooler and attacked a member in a sports thread. The guy was being attacked for volunteering in a charity. That dude got offended. Somehow he needed to grow a thicker skin.

Its all politics and the mods a not immune.;)
Click to expand...

Nor was I speaking of you. :D
 
Minty said:
And the winner of the January Pedant award goes to... ;)
Click to expand...

Iv'e finally won something...

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank my Sponsor and Director who without I would never have been here to receive this award..

I'd like to thank my family for all their support through these difficult times..

And finally I'd like to thank all of the people... Minty, for voting for me...

This award is for all of us... blub.. blub... blub..
 
CJ_London said:
at the risk of offending someone, somewhere
Click to expand...

Most jokes poke fun at something, or are rude , or both. if that upsets somebody then stay off the thread. The joke that Frothy took offence at was told on this thread several years ago, I also notice that he didn't mind fun being poked at the Scots. I wonder if he is one of those that likes to dish it out but can't take it.

Brian
 
Brianwarnock said:
Most jokes poke fun at something, or are rude , or both. if that upsets somebody then stay off the thread. The joke that Frothy took offence at was told on this thread several years ago, I also notice that he didn't mind fun being poked at the Scots. I wonder if he is one of those that likes to dish it out but can't take it.

Brian
Click to expand...

Brian,
Can it be possible that I agree with you?:D
 
Brianwarnock said:
Dick
All those days ago when we argued about gun control etc I just knew that one day we would agree on something.

Brian
Click to expand...

Age should bring maturity. Back in college in the 70's a professor said something that was more beneficial to my life than all my college credits.
"It depends who's ox is being gored." Unfortunately for me it took a few years to really sink in. Maturity also brought me another good saying, especially after I moved to Florida. "it is hard to remember that your goal is to drain the swamp when you are up to your ears in alligators."
 
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