Questions from women that put a shudder down mens spines

[jon98548]

6. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

8. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

9. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

16. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

18. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

My personal favorites.

 

[Freddy]

Re: Re: Shivers? Not me

Since this came up again after I joined, I'm going to make a few observations. Starting with:

Freddy's wife apparently reads this forum. Chicken!

Not really, wife didn't have a headache the day before.

 

[Autoeng]

Very good observations there Friday.

 

[Mile-O]

Questions that women ask that have a "no win" answer from men.

"Mile-O-Phile, is that you? Do you remember me?"

 

[jon98548]

While sitting with future wife in public ... ex-girlfriend walks up after not seeing you for a few years and exclaims with visible excitement, "HOW HAVE YOU BEEN? I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU! Here's my number. Call me.

Me (trying to get out of this): "Oh, gee, I don't have a pen."

Future wife (dripping with sarcasm): "Here, use mine."

Still hear about that one 8 years later.

 

[Autoeng]

Still hear about that one 8 years later.

Just like the "On" thread they just won't let it die!

 

[jon98548]

No that would be too easy.

 

[Idjit]

Future wife (dripping with sarcasm): "Here, use mine."

Still hear about that one 8 years later.

There's just no pleasing you people. She even offered you her pen! She sounds like a lovely lady to me, and if I may be so bold I'd say your taste improved over the years.

 

[Hayley Baxter]

What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.

What is a man's idea of doing housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.

What is the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home.

Why is a man different from a PC?
You only have to tell the PC once

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Why are men like commercials?
You can't believe a word they say

Why are men like blenders?
You need one, but you're not quite sure why

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A dog only takes a couple of months to train

All light hearted fun guys

 

[Mile-O]

Hay, you are so sexist.

 

[Friday]

I knew we would pay for that long post of mine...

 

[Rich]

What is a man's idea of doing housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.

Very considerate of him, I'd say.

What is the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home.

E.T. didn't have a Mrs hogging the phone.

 

[Lister]

White Men and smokers are the only two groups that in this PC world are ok to slam, without fear of being taken down by a Lobby Group.
In fact we could limit that to “Straight White Men” (this is why its sort of ok to pick on Michael Jackson). It’s ok for women and all other groups to put down SWM at any point.
In fact women in the 60’s,women who fought very hard to get men and women to see each other as equals, would have a hard time with what has happened.
The easiest place to see this is the law’s that got rid of all men only clubs in NZ the UK and most States in the USA.
These laws are now being reversed in some states of the US and here in NZ.
Why, because women want to have “Women only gyms” and to bar men would be illegal.
But I did see the reaction of women just the other day at work, when you say anything that dose not place them at the top of the food chain.
After jokingly say to a work mate of mine (SWM) that “we would drive over you with a car” and “smack you in the side of the head with a spade”. <(Remember they were only kidding and so was he)
I said that this was odd the women could say this and we could not.
They pointed out that they were the superior beings on the planet (have you ever look through a women’s magazine?) and that they had the right.
I then pointed out that in New Zealand the law that were created for women’s rights were in the same area of legislation that covered the handicapped and the disabled.

Did I start to get it form every woman in the room. How dare I say something like that about something so sacred as Womenhood.
Didn’t matter that it was true.
I then got told that people like me should be locked up and gang raped! Now as I am a SWM its ok to wish ra** on me.
And there we have it, the world has turned and now women have become our grandfathers.

At the end of the day it’s all just a peripheral struggle that breeds more jokes and paper work than we dare to think is possible.
It’s like the poor mans racism.

So to all the SWM’s out there, stay strong. One day we may overcome.
Or we may just keep saying uh – huh at the right moments in a conversation and keep on watching the sports.

 

[Qoo]

just keep saying uh – huh at the right moments in a conversation

Phew its not just me then

 

[Hayley Baxter]

is that your best Rich, obviously couldn't think of an excuse for the rest of them

 

[Rich]

What do you call a man with half a brain?
Married

Why is a man different from a PC?
You only have to tell the PC once
Not if you're using Windows

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
One knows he's soon going to be barking up the wrong tree!

Why are men like commercials?
Women don't want to hear the truth

Why are men like blenders?
You need one, but you're not quite sure why
Mixing the paint for you

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
The husband soon realises he's been led on

 

[Hayley Baxter]

very impressive Rich

 

[jon98548]

There's just no pleasing you people. She even offered you her pen! She sounds like a lovely lady to me, and if I may be so bold I'd say your taste improved over the years.

You're right but apparently there was something in the wedding cake and she has never been the same.

 

[Idjit]

Let's get back to the purported topic of the thread:

"Honey, you know those pills I was supposed to be taking?..."

 

[Mile-O]

"Honey, I shrunk the kids?"

Idjit is starting it again...