- Local time
- Today, 05:33
- Joined
- Jul 9, 2003
- Messages
- 17,073
What were they HAVING
What's your best/worst joke?
- Thread starter Fornatian
- Start date
Dick7Access
Dick S
- Local time
- Today, 00:33
- Joined
- Jun 9, 2009
- Messages
- 4,248
I was just talking to my wife's art teacher, and she use some verbiage that only artist would understand.
I had to read the above post three times before I got the full jest of it.
I have been looking for a psychiatrist that specializes in people who are having problems with one on one relationship, and especially with one to many relationships.
I had to read the above post three times before I got the full jest of it.
I have been looking for a psychiatrist that specializes in people who are having problems with one on one relationship, and especially with one to many relationships.
- Local time
- Yesterday, 23:33
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2001
- Messages
- 29,165
In human interactions, relationships are more often a matter of choice.
In real-world models, relationships are a matter of the way things really are.
In real-world models, relationships are a matter of the way things really are.
At a doctor's convention a man and a woman meet. One thing leads to another, and after drinks and dinner, they end up in the man's room.
The morning after as they're dressing, the man says "You must be a surgeon." "That's right!", she says. "How did you know?" "You were so thorough washing your hands."
The woman says "You must be an anesthetist." "That's right! How did you know?" "Because I didn't feel a thing."
The morning after as they're dressing, the man says "You must be a surgeon." "That's right!", she says. "How did you know?" "You were so thorough washing your hands."
The woman says "You must be an anesthetist." "That's right! How did you know?" "Because I didn't feel a thing."
Nightowl4933
Tryin' to do it right...
- Local time
- Today, 05:33
- Joined
- Apr 27, 2016
- Messages
- 151
A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of first year
schoolchildren, using a bowl of fruit Polo's. He gave all the children the
same kind of Polo, one at a time, and asked them to identify them by colour
and flavour.
The children began to say:
"Red............ cherry,"
"Yellow......... lemon,"
"Green.......... lime,"
"Orange........ orange."
Finally the professor gave them all honey Polos.
After eating them for a few moments none of the children could identify the
taste.
"Well," he said "I'll give you all a clue. It's what your mother may
sometimes call your father."
One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out and yelled:
"Oh My God!!!! They're a**e-holes!!"
schoolchildren, using a bowl of fruit Polo's. He gave all the children the
same kind of Polo, one at a time, and asked them to identify them by colour
and flavour.
The children began to say:
"Red............ cherry,"
"Yellow......... lemon,"
"Green.......... lime,"
"Orange........ orange."
Finally the professor gave them all honey Polos.
After eating them for a few moments none of the children could identify the
taste.
"Well," he said "I'll give you all a clue. It's what your mother may
sometimes call your father."
One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out and yelled:
"Oh My God!!!! They're a**e-holes!!"
- Local time
- Yesterday, 23:33
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2001
- Messages
- 29,165
Ah, but Rx, some of us from that thread know where NOT to look...
Rx_
Nothing In Moderation
- Local time
- Yesterday, 22:33
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2009
- Messages
- 2,803
The best Greek post-Brexit joke yet: "Oh well, we didn't make it out of the EU last year, but today at least half the Parthenon did"! 
Day one of Brexit. The Zimbabwean dollar is up against the pound. (I wish I were joking).
Photo from the Channel Tunnel this morning
Dick7Access
Dick S
- Local time
- Today, 00:33
- Joined
- Jun 9, 2009
- Messages
- 4,248
I would like to challenge your statement.
I think US has done more dumb things that UK.
Rx_
Nothing In Moderation
- Local time
- Yesterday, 22:33
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2009
- Messages
- 2,803
Late Night TV Shows - Jokes from Last Election
"Hillary Clinton visited Egypt today for the first time since the uprising. When asked why she went, Bill Clinton said, "Believe me, if anyone can stop an uprising, it's Hillary."
"Well, the talk is that Hillary Clinton is going to try and help unite the party.
She's going to unite the party. But today Bill Clinton says, according to his experience, the party is usually over whenever Hillary shows up." --Jay Leno
"Hillary Clinton says she isn't dropping out because there are still six states that haven't had their Democratic primary. That's right. Barack Obama's favored in the states of Oregon, Montana and South Dakota, and Hillary is favored in the state of denial." --Conan O'Brien (Remembering how she demanded Bernie drop out when she was so far behind with Obama)
"Hillary was caught in a bit of a lie. When she was first lady, she went to Bosnia when it was war-torn. She said that she faced sniper fire -- never happened. And had to run to the car for cover -- never happened. If only she had channeled that active fantasy world into her marriage." --Bill Maher
2016 Hillary Jokes
To Goldman Sachs' booking Clinton for a speech: If you've got $675,000 lying around, don't book Hillary Clinton. For that much money you can get Kevin Hart.
"Hillary Clinton's new campaign slogan is 'Stronger Together.' Which replaces her old slogan, 'Go****mit, It's My Turn!'" –Conan O'Brien
"Hillary Clinton had a big night, picking up victories in seven states. While speaking in Miami last night Hillary said, 'I believe what we need in America today is more love and kindness.' Then she added, 'And I will crush anyone who won't let me do it.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"CNN will break new ground by live streaming the next primary debate in virtual reality. With the help of a virtual reality headset, users can actually watch the debates from the perspective of an audience member. It'll feel like you're seeing Hillary Clinton right in front of you, but she's not actually there — just like the real Hillary Clinton!" –Stephen Colbert
"Last week, the firefighters' union announced that it was no longer supporting Hillary for president. You know your campaign's in trouble when firefighters are like, 'Even WE can't put out that many fires.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"In a recent interview, Hillary Clinton said that one of the jobs that prepared her to be president was sliming fish in Alaska. As opposed to Bill, who learned by catching crabs in Cancun." –Jimmy Fallon
"Hillary Clinton is headed to L.A. this month to attend a fundraiser hosted by 'Spider-Man' star Tobey Maguire. Hillary is a big fan of Spider-Man because he proves that Americans still love sequels." –Jimmy Fallon
"Another scandal for Hillary Clinton — they're saying she used a private email address when she was secretary of state, which means the government couldn't archive and preserve her emails. Then President Obama said, 'Don't worry, we saw them. We see everyone's emails.'" –Jimmy Fallon
And then of course the PUNdits
Why won't Hillary let her campaign staffers exercise?
She doesn't want them to "Feel The Bern".
Why is Hillary Clinton running for President?
Because it's easier than running from Law Enforcement.
Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill Clinton first thing in the morning?
She wants to be the first lady.
Why should conservatives vote for Hillary?
Because a woman's place is in the White House.
Why shouldn't Republicans worry about losing in 2016?
Apparently depression is covered by Obamacare.
Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are on a plane.
The plane crashed. Who survived?
America
Hillary Clinton was addressing a group of American Indians in New York telling them all she did as senator and all she plans to do for them as President.
At the end of the meeting the chief gave her a plaque with her honorary tribal name, Walking Eagle.
After she left someone asked the chief if there is any meaning to that name.
He said "A walking Eagle is a bird that is so full of crap, it can not fly."
"Hillary Clinton visited Egypt today for the first time since the uprising. When asked why she went, Bill Clinton said, "Believe me, if anyone can stop an uprising, it's Hillary."
"Well, the talk is that Hillary Clinton is going to try and help unite the party.
She's going to unite the party. But today Bill Clinton says, according to his experience, the party is usually over whenever Hillary shows up." --Jay Leno
"Hillary Clinton says she isn't dropping out because there are still six states that haven't had their Democratic primary. That's right. Barack Obama's favored in the states of Oregon, Montana and South Dakota, and Hillary is favored in the state of denial." --Conan O'Brien (Remembering how she demanded Bernie drop out when she was so far behind with Obama)
"Hillary was caught in a bit of a lie. When she was first lady, she went to Bosnia when it was war-torn. She said that she faced sniper fire -- never happened. And had to run to the car for cover -- never happened. If only she had channeled that active fantasy world into her marriage." --Bill Maher
2016 Hillary Jokes
To Goldman Sachs' booking Clinton for a speech: If you've got $675,000 lying around, don't book Hillary Clinton. For that much money you can get Kevin Hart.
"Hillary Clinton's new campaign slogan is 'Stronger Together.' Which replaces her old slogan, 'Go****mit, It's My Turn!'" –Conan O'Brien
"Hillary Clinton had a big night, picking up victories in seven states. While speaking in Miami last night Hillary said, 'I believe what we need in America today is more love and kindness.' Then she added, 'And I will crush anyone who won't let me do it.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"CNN will break new ground by live streaming the next primary debate in virtual reality. With the help of a virtual reality headset, users can actually watch the debates from the perspective of an audience member. It'll feel like you're seeing Hillary Clinton right in front of you, but she's not actually there — just like the real Hillary Clinton!" –Stephen Colbert
"Last week, the firefighters' union announced that it was no longer supporting Hillary for president. You know your campaign's in trouble when firefighters are like, 'Even WE can't put out that many fires.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"In a recent interview, Hillary Clinton said that one of the jobs that prepared her to be president was sliming fish in Alaska. As opposed to Bill, who learned by catching crabs in Cancun." –Jimmy Fallon
"Hillary Clinton is headed to L.A. this month to attend a fundraiser hosted by 'Spider-Man' star Tobey Maguire. Hillary is a big fan of Spider-Man because he proves that Americans still love sequels." –Jimmy Fallon
"Another scandal for Hillary Clinton — they're saying she used a private email address when she was secretary of state, which means the government couldn't archive and preserve her emails. Then President Obama said, 'Don't worry, we saw them. We see everyone's emails.'" –Jimmy Fallon
And then of course the PUNdits
Why won't Hillary let her campaign staffers exercise?
She doesn't want them to "Feel The Bern".
Why is Hillary Clinton running for President?
Because it's easier than running from Law Enforcement.
Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill Clinton first thing in the morning?
She wants to be the first lady.
Why should conservatives vote for Hillary?
Because a woman's place is in the White House.
Why shouldn't Republicans worry about losing in 2016?
Apparently depression is covered by Obamacare.
Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are on a plane.
The plane crashed. Who survived?
America
Hillary Clinton was addressing a group of American Indians in New York telling them all she did as senator and all she plans to do for them as President.
At the end of the meeting the chief gave her a plaque with her honorary tribal name, Walking Eagle.
After she left someone asked the chief if there is any meaning to that name.
He said "A walking Eagle is a bird that is so full of crap, it can not fly."
Rabbie
Super Moderator
- Local time
- Today, 05:33
- Joined
- Jul 10, 2007
- Messages
- 5,906
I am sure Colin would agree with you
Dick7Access
Dick S
- Local time
- Today, 00:33
- Joined
- Jun 9, 2009
- Messages
- 4,248
Similar threads
