What's your best/worst joke?

[Uncle Gizmo]

Wilma!!!

Flintstones joke | Best dad joke

This is seriously the best dad joke ever. My wife watched me dying on the couch when I first saw it. Some may not get the flintstones joke if you're younger ...

youtube.com

 

[Uncle Gizmo]

The Hulk!

- YouTube

Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube.

youtube.com

 

[Cotswold]

At New Year the wife said she was going to walk 5 miles a day to keep fit.

Next week I'll have to drive up to Newcastle to bring her back for her birthday.

 

[oleronesoftwares]

What does a sprinter eat before a race?" "Nothing, they fast!

 

[NauticalGent]

 

[Uncle Gizmo]

How many airplanes?

- YouTube

Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube.

youtube.com

 

[NauticalGent]

A little old lady went to buy cat food. She picked up three cans, but was told by the clerk, "I'm sorry, but we can't sell this to you without proof you have a cat. Too many seniors are buying cat foot to eat. Management wants proof that you are buying this for your cat." So the lady went home, brought in her cat and was sold the cat food. . . .

The next day, she tried to buy two cans of dog food and was again told she couldn't buy them without proof. So the lady went home, brought in her dog and was sold the dog food. . . .

One day later, she brought in a box with a hole in the lid and asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier said, "No, you might have a snake in there." The lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would harm her. So the cashier put her finger into the box, quickly pulled it out and exclaimed, "That smells like crap." . . . The lady replied, "It is. I want to buy eight rolls of toilet paper."

 

[oleronesoftwares]

Three guys stranded on a desert island find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says: ‘I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.’

 

[AccessBlaster]

 

[oleronesoftwares]

Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up

 

[NauticalGent]

Yesterday Mark had an appointment to see the urologist for a prostate exam.
Of course was a bit on edge because all his friends have either gone under the knife or had those pellets implanted.
The waiting room was filled with patients.
As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler.
Mark gave her his name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, “YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?”
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at Mark, a now very embarrassed man.
But as usual, he recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, ”NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.”

 

[ypma]

There's no smoke without fire!

 

[NauticalGent]

Police have confirmed that the man who fell from the roof of a nightclub and died was not a bouncer

 

[NauticalGent]

A young Arab asks his father, "What is that weird hat you are wearing?"
The father said, "Why, it's a 'chechia' because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun."
"And what is this type of clothing that you are wearing?" asked the young man.
"It's a 'djbellah' because in the desert it is very hot and it protects your body." said the father.
The son asked, "And what about those ugly shoes on your feet?
His father replied, "These are 'babouches", which keep us from burning our feet when in the desert."
"Tell me," added the boy.
"Yes, my son?"
"Why are you living in Manchester and still wearing all this shit?"

 

[NauticalGent]

 

[NauticalGent]

A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says "Wow! I've never served a weasel before! What can I get ya?"

"Pop", goes the weasel...

 

[oleronesoftwares]

I said to the Gym instructor “Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”

 

[The_Doc_Man]

A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says "Wow! I've never served a weasel before! What can I get ya?"

"Pop", goes the weasel...

<<<GROAN>>>

 

[KitaYama]

I don't know who I like more, Dylan or Catherine.

 

[CJ_London]

A not-too-bright candidate for the police force failed the written examination. Since he was the Chief's nephew, the examiner decided to go easy on him with the oral test.

"Who shot Abraham Lincoln?", asked the examiner.

The candidate pondered for a moment and then asked if he could have sometime to come up with the answer. The examiner told him to come back the next morning.

When the would-be recruit went home, his wife asked, "Well, how did it go? Did you get the job?"
…."I think so," he replied. "They’ve already got me working on a case".