What's your best/worst joke? (5 Viewers)

[The_Doc_Man]

@Jon, we need to add a "Groan" emoji to the options in the LIKE list.

 

[kevlray]

There used to be a show of TV called Hee Haw. There was a segment where they would sing a song with the lyrics "If it weren't for bad luck, I have no luck at all'. I think we can change the lyrics 'If it weren't for bad jokes, I have no jokes at all'.

By the way, they were pretty famous for telling some really bad jokes.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

By the way, they were pretty famous for telling some really bad jokes.

Matter of opinion. Some of the Hee Haw jokes were actually quite funny, given that it was a show suitable for children (most of the time) and they had really cute actresses for some of the sketch comedy. Therefore, they snuck in more than a couple of "naughty" little double entendres. But the REAL benefit of Hee Haw was that usually once per show or sometimes every other show, Roy Clark would play his guitar. You didn't have to like country music because they did other things. There is a You Tube video you could look up in which Roy Clark plays that classical flamenco song "Malaguena" in a spectacular demonstration of complex fingering. They would also have guest artists whose abilities would blow you away if you understood music performance issues for that instrument. For instance, Glen Campbell was known as a singer, but he was a virtuoso guitarist too.

 

[KitaYama]

 

[NauticalGent]

 

[KitaYama]

In my childhood, we didn't have remote controls in our house yet. The little children of the house used to work as a remote control in those days.
The system was quite simple. Our mom or dad used to tell us a channel name. There were only a few TV channels anyway. We would detect the mother/father command sound with our ear sensors and find out which channel it corresponds to in our brain. Then we would change the channel by pressing the button on the TV with our fingers.
Then came the remote controls. We children lost our job where we earned candy and chocolate in return Because we had succumbed to technology. I hate technology to this day.

 

[kevlray]

In my childhood, we didn't have remote controls in our house yet. The little children of the house used to work as a remote control in those days.
The system was quite simple. Our mom or dad used to tell us a channel name. There were only a few TV channels anyway. We would detect the mother/father command sound with our ear sensors and find out which channel it corresponds to in our brain. Then we would change the channel by pressing the button on the TV with our fingers.
Then came the remote controls. We children lost our job where we earned candy and chocolate in return Because we had succumbed to technology. I hate technology to this day.

We just had a simple dial (and three channels to choose from).

 

[CJ_London]

We just had an on/off switch - only one channel.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

We started with two channels, third one came quickly, followed by UHF with two more channels.

Now we have cable with 300 channels - about 50 of which are new programming and the rest are re-runs, really OLD re-runs, advertising, and reality shows. Though with the reality shows, some of them are versions of reality I would rather not visit.

 

[Minty]

Two for the price of one:

• What do the Titanic and the Sixth Sense have in common?
• Icy dead people.

---------------------------------------------

• I arranged a date with a woman called Simile, afterwards I wondered what I metaphor.

---------------------------------------------

 

[CJ_London]

 

[The_Doc_Man]

The worst part is that I knew a few federal civil servants who lived by that schedule. That statement is too true to be good.

 

[Isaac]

The worst part is that I knew a few federal civil servants who lived by that schedule. That statement is too true to be good.

Newman... Seinfeld

 

[Cronk]

Doc, happens everywhere just that in civil service it's easy to survive in that state longer. Peter Principle reigns supreme - one rises to their level of incompetence (or above).

 

[Isaac]

Funny satire from Babylon Bee

JUNE 24, 2022
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Democrats have temporarily pushed pause on the January 6th hearings in order to lead an insurrection against the federal government.

"On January 6th, a branch of our federal government was almost overthrown because politicians used dangerous rhetoric that caused - wait, hold on everyone, I just got the update. Roe's been overturned!" said Representative Adam Schiff. "Okay, well if all the Republicans could please sit tight, there will be a brief recess while our Democratic caucus takes to the streets demanding we overthrow a branch of the federal government."

After closing down their presentation entitled "How Trump Undermined Institutional Authority", Democrats raced to join the crowd surrounding the Supreme Court building. "Rigged! Rigged decision!" shouted Senator Elizabeth Warren. "Judges must no longer be allowed to hold power! We will never abide by an illegitimate decision by an illegitimate court. Fight, fight!" she screamed as beleaguered police arrived in riot gear.

Despite the fact liberal states will still have the most permissive abortion laws in the world outside North Korea, Democrats helpfully painted the Supreme Court's decision as a matter of life and death. "They are literally going to enslave every woman in America and force them to have 17 babies," said Representative Ilhan Omar to a group of mentally unstable lunatics. "Which is why the Supreme Court cannot stand! To the streets!" she shouted, then returned to the House for a speech on why Trump's words were directly responsible for violence.

At publishing time, the January 6 committee had resumed its hearings to the stark sound of no one caring.

 

[Galaxiom]

We just had a simple dial (and three channels to choose from).

We had two channels that were selected by a very clunky knob. There was also the fine tuning around the outside of it. Then the vertical hold to stop it rolling up or down. Reaching over the back of the set there was the horizontal hold occasionally required to stop the picture getting all skewed.

I was always fascinated when the repairman came around and we could look inside at all the glowing valves and things he could adjust. Seemed magical.

The stations would shut down late at night. The public broadcaster would show a test pattern for a while before programs started and occasionally in between them during the morning. Late at night after programs ended there would be a test pattern followed by video static with a continuous audio beep.

 

[kevlray]

We had two channels that were selected by a very clunky knob. There was also the fine tuning around the outside of it. Then the vertical hold to stop it rolling up or down. Reaching over the back of the set there was the horizontal hold occasionally required to stop the picture getting all skewed.

I was always fascinated when the repairman came around and we could look inside at all the glowing valves and things he could adjust. Seemed magical.

The stations would shut down late at night. The public broadcaster would show a test pattern for a while before programs started and occasionally in between them during the morning. Late at night after programs ended there would be a test pattern followed by video static with a continuous audio beep.

I remember those days also. I took classes at a technical school and (at that time) understood the inside of TV pretty well. But CRTs are long gone and all the circuitry with it.

 

[Isaac]

We had a TV that Dad covered with a cloth so it looked like a table and didn't achieve that "idol" status most TVs do.
We would pull the cloth up at exactly 5:29 each weekday to hear Tom Brokaw. Sometimes Connie Chung came on and my 12 yr old self thought she was kind of cool (don't laugh too hard).

I remember growing up feeling like Tom Brokaw was a decent, objective man. Remembering him now in comparison with today's news, he seems even more so.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

Back in those days, I was somewhat of a latch-key kid. TV after school included news programs and as a result of that, my normal speaking accent drives people nuts. They cannot figure from my accent how I'm from New Orleans. They are expecting either a Cajun patois or a southern drawl, but I have neither. The first time Dick7Access visited, he had to ask because he couldn't tell. My access is neutral mid-western suburban USA, which I got from Chet Huntley and David Brinkley.

 

[kevlray]

I wonder if we should start a new tread talking about all the things that are long gone.