One Liners; Tidbits; Wise Sayings (1 Viewer)

[ShaneMan]

I thought I may try to lighten the cooler up a bit and introduce a light hearted subject. I love and collect, one liners; wise sayings, short stories/tales with a good punch line and etc. so I thought I would ask what are some good ones that you've always liked. I can add them to my collection. I especially like funny ones. Churchill was a master of those.

As an example.

I guess a man is as happy as he wants to be.--Will Rogers

A successful person does what they don't want to do when they don't want to do it.--a successful customer of mine told me this one.

Marriage doesn't change people; it unmasks them.

Sin takes more in the end than it gave you in the beginning.

If I tell you a cow is 12' tall you better look up.--my Grandpa on being honest.

We laugh at honor and are amazed there are traitors in our midst.--C.S. Lewis

Lie to me about a little thing; lie to me about anything.--My Dad

Ran into an old man, in Oklahoma, when I was younger. He was sitting in front of an old run down gas station in a small town. Above his head was a poster advertising an up coming rattlesnake derby. At the bottom it said that BBQ rattlesnake meat would be served. I asked if he had ever eaten any before? He waited a little bit and then said, "Nope, never been that hungry ."

Well, I guess this should be a good start, so what funny stories with a good punch line, wise sayings, quotes, and etc. do you have? Look forward to reading some of them.

 

[Matt Greatorex]

I thought I may try to lighten the cooler up a bit and introduce a light hearted subject.

Good luck with this one. Let's see how long it lasts before the usual

I used to work with a guy who used an expression whenever he was able to answer something you didn't know or to fix something you'd been stuck on:

Up here for thinking{points to head}, down there for dancing {points to feet}.

Over the years, I sort of adopted it.

Another guy used to have a reputation for mixing his expressions/metaphors up. A few of his included:

We're stuck between a chicken and the deep blue sea
and
There it was, frozen to a cinder

 

[Len Boorman]

He who never makes a mistake never makes anything
He who makes the same mistake twice is a fool

Me

 

[Len Boorman]

He who never makes a mistake never makes anything
He who makes the same mistake twice is a fool

Me

 

[Brianwarnock]

Sayings

Whoever told you life is fair was a liar = Headmaster to 1st year pupils Waterloo Grammar 1953

A little wit is worth a lot of sweat - Senior Maths master ditto 1958

There is knowledge but more importantly there is knowledge of the knowledge. - Same guy

Nothing is obvious to those who do not know - Uni tutor 1960

Ignorance is not a crime, not wanting to know is the sin - Me to the people I was teaching IT to at the Charity
Ok it’s a take off of the common
Better to appear a fool for 5 minutes than remain one for the rest of your life.

Imagination is more important than knowledge - Einstein

And most important of all is W H Davies's Leisure see 1st two lines in my signature.


Brian

 

[Vassago]

He who never makes a mistake never makes anything
He who makes the same mistake twice is a fool

Me

He who never makes a mistake never makes anything
He who makes the same mistake twice is a fool

Me

Did you just make the same mistake twice?

 

[TessB]

LMAO @ Vass.

Actually, using female logic, of course, the mistake occurred only once. And that is when he pressed the submit button a second time... but your response was hilarious.

 

[Adeptus]

Bill Watterson - "There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do."

 

[ShaneMan]

Did you just make the same mistake twice?

This is pretty funny either way. If Len did it on purpose or if it was just Vassago catching it.

 

[ShaneMan]

Sayings

Whoever told you life is fair was a liar = Headmaster to 1st year pupils Waterloo Grammar 1953

A little wit is worth a lot of sweat - Senior Maths master ditto 1958

There is knowledge but more importantly there is knowledge of the knowledge. - Same guy

Nothing is obvious to those who do not know - Uni tutor 1960

Ignorance is not a crime, not wanting to know is the sin - Me to the people I was teaching IT to at the Charity
Ok it’s a take off of the common
Better to appear a fool for 5 minutes than remain one for the rest of your life.

Imagination is more important than knowledge - Einstein

And most important of all is W H Davies's Leisure see 1st two lines in my signature.


Brian

Thanks Brian....got a few I'm going to steal, I mean borrow from this list.

 

[ShaneMan]

Good luck with this one. Let's see how long it lasts before the usual

I used to work with a guy who used an expression whenever he was able to answer something you didn't know or to fix something you'd been stuck on:

Up here for thinking{points to head}, down there for dancing {points to feet}.

Over the years, I sort of adopted it.

Another guy used to have a reputation for mixing his expressions/metaphors up. A few of his included:

We're stuck between a chicken and the deep blue sea
and
There it was, frozen to a cinder

I use to work with an old welder in a machine shop. His station was across from the water fountain. When you would go to get a drink of water he would yell to ya, "don't drink the water fish spawn in it."

He kind of would do a little mixing of his own.

 

[Len Boorman]

Did you just make the same mistake twice?

Nearly

Duplicationwas one mistake.

Double duplication would have been twice

I blame the internet line

Len

 

[Ron_dK]

Some quotes :

Jazz isn't dead, it just smells funny ( Zappa)

I shot an elephant in my pants. How he got there I'll never know. ( G.Marx)

A woman is like a teabag- only in hot water do you realize how strong she is (Elenor)

The fundamental objective of total quality methodology is the implementation of a measurement-based strategy that focuses on process improvement and variation reduction through the application of quality improvement projects.
(Blah, blah, my boss?)

The other day I lost my mobile phone. You might as well quit the job my boss
replied. ( Ron)

 

[Karma]

Wit is educated insolence - Aristotle.

 

[ColinEssex]

a one-liner and an astute observation

"More and more of our imports come from overseas." George Bush —Beaverton, Ore., Sep. 25, 2000

Col

 

[Karma]

The mind of a bigot is like the pupil of the eye. The more light you shine on it, the more it will contract. by Oliver Wendell Holmes.

 

[ShaneMan]

a one-liner and an astute observationCol

C'mon Col, be a sport. Don't throw something that has been in the same line for more than a year now. Surely, you have something you have kept that one of your Grandparents said, or your Mom or Dad. Give me a good story, a one liner that you have kept all these years. Tell me your favorite Churchill story. Give me something to add to my collection.

 

[ShaneMan]

Some quotes :

Jazz isn't dead, it just smells funny ( Zappa)

I shot an elephant in my pants. How he got there I'll never know. ( G.Marx)

A woman is like a teabag- only in hot water do you realize how strong she is (Elenor)

The fundamental objective of total quality methodology is the implementation of a measurement-based strategy that focuses on process improvement and variation reduction through the application of quality improvement projects.
(Blah, blah, my boss?)

The other day I lost my mobile phone. You might as well quit the job my boss
replied. ( Ron)

Thanks, rak. Got a couple I'm going to borrow from here as well. The Zappa quote was good for a laugh.

 

[ShaneMan]

The mind of a bigot is like the pupil of the eye. The more light you shine on it, the more it will contract. by Oliver Wendell Holmes.

thanks Karma, both of yours were good ones.

 

[Bodisathva]

(Finding it hard to resist...mustn't...oh, well...)

Arguing with Rich and Col is like masturbating with a cheese grater...

...slightly amusing, but mostly...painful