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An American friend of mine asked me what was the British slang term for pubic hair, I replied "bush" he said, no that can't be right, that's the slang term for an ass-hole.
What's your best/worst joke?
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Jacob Mathai
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As a man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the radio that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 280. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the radio that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 280. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"
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matt330 said:
Worst!
Can anyone do any better (meaning Worst) before the end of the year?
I'd rather end the year on a high note. 
Newman
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You want a translation?
It says: Insert money
Then it says: Choose beverage
And offers four choices: Coffee, Expresso coffee, Cappuccino and Chocolate
Then, after you take the cup, it says:
Yark!
It's disgusting!
Inspect the dispenser.
OPEN
Finaly, it says:
Send this joke to your friends
It says: Insert money
Then it says: Choose beverage
And offers four choices: Coffee, Expresso coffee, Cappuccino and Chocolate
Then, after you take the cup, it says:
Yark!
It's disgusting!
Inspect the dispenser.
OPEN
Finaly, it says:
Send this joke to your friends
FoFa
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NEW ELEMENT FOUND!
The recent hurricanes and skyrocketing oil and
gasoline prices helped to prove the existence of a new
element. In early October 2005, a major research
institution announced the discovery of the heaviest
element yet known to science. The new element has been
named "Governmentium."
Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant
neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy
neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312
particles are held together by forces called 'morons'
which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like
particles called 'peons.' Since Gv has no electrons,
it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it
impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact. A minute amount of Gv causes one reaction to
take over four days to complete, when it would
normally take less than a second!
Gv has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not
decay; but instead undergoes a reorganization in which
a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy
neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's
mass will actually increase over time, since each
reorganization will cause more morons to become
neutrons, forming 'isodopes.' This characteristic of
moron promotion leads most scientists to believe that
Gv is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity
in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is
referred to as 'Critical Morass.'
The recent hurricanes and skyrocketing oil and
gasoline prices helped to prove the existence of a new
element. In early October 2005, a major research
institution announced the discovery of the heaviest
element yet known to science. The new element has been
named "Governmentium."
Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant
neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy
neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312
particles are held together by forces called 'morons'
which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like
particles called 'peons.' Since Gv has no electrons,
it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it
impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact. A minute amount of Gv causes one reaction to
take over four days to complete, when it would
normally take less than a second!
Gv has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not
decay; but instead undergoes a reorganization in which
a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy
neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's
mass will actually increase over time, since each
reorganization will cause more morons to become
neutrons, forming 'isodopes.' This characteristic of
moron promotion leads most scientists to believe that
Gv is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity
in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is
referred to as 'Critical Morass.'
Dingodave1
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Worst Joke..............
How many ears does Captain Kirk have?
3
Left ear, Right ear and a final frontier!!!!
Sorry!!!!
How many ears does Captain Kirk have?
3
Left ear, Right ear and a final frontier!!!!
Sorry!!!!
fuzzygeek
Energy Ebbing
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dedicated to Rich
The train was quite crowded, so the U.S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well-dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked in perfect French, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"
The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat." The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. "Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired." She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"
This time the Marine didn't say a word, he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.
The woman shrieked, "Some one must defend my honor! Put this American in his place!"
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in
the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window!"
The train was quite crowded, so the U.S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well-dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked in perfect French, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"
The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat." The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. "Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired." She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"
This time the Marine didn't say a word, he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.
The woman shrieked, "Some one must defend my honor! Put this American in his place!"
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in
the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window!"
I like your avitar Fuzzy Geek. Where I went to university they had a supersonic wind tunnel. You could see the slip-stream in cross-section. It was wicked seeing the slip- stream as a completely vertical line as it when through sonic boom then reverse as it when through the mach numbers.
fuzzygeek
Energy Ebbing
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Q: What kind of TV show do you watch in the morning?
A: A breakfast serial.
Q: Why did Billy take a ruler to bed with him?
A: To see how long he slept.
Q: What do you call a lazy, baby kangaroo?
A: A pouch potatoe.
Q: What kind of tea is sometimes hard to swallow?
A: Reality.
Q: Why don't bears wear shoes & socks?
A: Because they like to walk around in their bear feet.
Q: What's black and white & has 16 wheels?
A: A zebra on rollerskates.
A: A breakfast serial.
Q: Why did Billy take a ruler to bed with him?
A: To see how long he slept.
Q: What do you call a lazy, baby kangaroo?
A: A pouch potatoe.
Q: What kind of tea is sometimes hard to swallow?
A: Reality.
Q: Why don't bears wear shoes & socks?
A: Because they like to walk around in their bear feet.
Q: What's black and white & has 16 wheels?
A: A zebra on rollerskates.
fuzzygeek
Energy Ebbing
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Q: What do you call a crazy spaceman?
A: An astro-nut.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide.
Q: What kind of beans will never grow in a garden?
A: Jelly beans.
Q: Did you hear about the man raking leaves?
A: He fell out of the tree & broke his arm.
Q: How do you get the water into watermelon?
A: Plant it in the spring.
Q: Why was the boy covered in gift wrap?
A: His mom told him to live in the present.
Q: Why are ducks so poor?
A: Because they only have one bill.
Q: Why did the class clown eat the dollar he brought to school?
A: Because it was his lunch money.
A: An astro-nut.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide.
Q: What kind of beans will never grow in a garden?
A: Jelly beans.
Q: Did you hear about the man raking leaves?
A: He fell out of the tree & broke his arm.
Q: How do you get the water into watermelon?
A: Plant it in the spring.
Q: Why was the boy covered in gift wrap?
A: His mom told him to live in the present.
Q: Why are ducks so poor?
A: Because they only have one bill.
Q: Why did the class clown eat the dollar he brought to school?
A: Because it was his lunch money.
TessB
Plays well with others
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Donald Rumsfeld gave President Bush his daily briefing. He concluded
by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed." "Oh no!"
the president exclaimed. "That's terrible!" His staff was stunned at this
display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sat, his head
in his hands. Finally, the president looked up and asked, "Exactly
how many is a brazillion?"
by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed." "Oh no!"
the president exclaimed. "That's terrible!" His staff was stunned at this
display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sat, his head
in his hands. Finally, the president looked up and asked, "Exactly
how many is a brazillion?"
fuzzygeek
Energy Ebbing
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These are real answers given by children.
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Jacob Mathai
Registered User.
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Q: Why did the American Siamese twins go to London?
A: So the other one could drive.
A: So the other one could drive.
carash77ash
Registered User.
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Q.What is green and sits in the corner?
A. A Naughty Frog
Q. What is white and sits in the corner?
A. A naughty Fridge
Q. What is green and smells like pork?
A. Kermit the Frogs finger.
Q. How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One but the light bulb has to want to change.
This one is sick for those that do not want to view please leave now.
Q. what did the blind, deaf, cripple child get for Xmas?
A. Cancer
Told you it was sick.
A. A Naughty Frog
Q. What is white and sits in the corner?
A. A naughty Fridge
Q. What is green and smells like pork?
A. Kermit the Frogs finger.
Q. How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One but the light bulb has to want to change.
This one is sick for those that do not want to view please leave now.
Q. what did the blind, deaf, cripple child get for Xmas?
A. Cancer
Told you it was sick.
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