What's your best/worst joke?

[Hayley Baxter]

This is an actual phone dialog of a WordPerfect Customer Support employee:

Support: "Hello, Technical Support; may I help you?" Customer: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

S: "What sort of trouble?"
C: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

S: "Went away?"
C: "They disappeared."

S: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
C: "Nothing."

S: "Nothing?"
C: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

S: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
C: "How do I tell?"

S: "Can you see the
C:\ prompt on the screen?"
C: "What's a sea-prompt?"

S: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
C: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

S: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
C: "What's a monitor?"

S: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
C: "I don't know."

S: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
C: "Yes, I think so."

S: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
C: "Yes, it is."

S: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
C: "No."

S: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
C: "Okay, here it is."

S: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
C: "I can't reach."

S: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
C: "No."

S: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
C: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."

S: "Dark?"
C: "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

S: "Well, turn on the office light then."
C: "I can't."

S: "No? Why not?"
C: "Because there's a power outage."

S: "A power?!? A *power* outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
C: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

S: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
C: "Really? Is it that bad?"

S: "Oh, yes, I'm afraid it is."
C: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

S: "Tell them you're just too stupid to own a computer."

Hay

 

[alastair69]

That made me smile i like that one.

Its a bit like a freind of mine he works for a computer company and deals mainly with Doctors.

Phone call from Doctor, he was very upset and was shoutting at the poor girl on the end of the telephone.

the girl asks can she help him out

Doctor carms down a bit.

Right sir whats the problem...

Doctors reply i can not get the keyboard to work properly

Right ok i understand and i can help you

Is there power to the keyboard

Doctor yes there is a light when i press caps lock

Girl: Ok thats great

Girl: can you check that the keyboard default is set to English (British)

Girl: tells the Doctor how to do this.

Girl: Right those settings are fine

Girl: What i can do is to send an engineer to you

Doctor thats great

Engineer Arrives on site

In less than 10 secs engineer spots the problem

Fault fixed goes back to the girl who reported the fault and informs her, that the problem was

THE DOCTOR HAD TAKEN ALL THE KEYS OUT OF THE KEYBORD AND PUT THEM BACK IN APHERBETICAL ORDER.

 

[Jacob Mathai]

A police officer pulled a young woman over for speeding and politely asked to see her license.
"Why don't you cops get your act together," she said in a huff.
"Yesterday you take my license away, and now today you expect me to show it to you!"

 

[fuzzygeek]

For the Ladies

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

And they say blondes are dumb...

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.

Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!

A PRAYER....

Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.
AMEN

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

 

[KenHigg]

Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes

.
.
.
.

1) That's not right..............................Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive..................Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP...................................Kum Hia
4) Stupid Man....................................Dum Gai
5) Small Horse...................................Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach.......................Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped the coffee table.....................Ai Bang Mai Ni
8) I think you need a face lift..................Chin Tu Fat
9) It's Very dark in here........................Wao So Dim
10) I Thought you were on a diet..................Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone......................No Pah King
12) Our meeting was rescheduled..................Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight.........................Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile..................Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive...................Yu Stin Ki Pu

 

[GSM]

Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes

Ken,

This was Fah King Fu Ni !!

 

[KenHigg]

.
.
.
.

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE


THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE


AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

 

[fuzzygeek]

Ponderisms


I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a
weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one
talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Ponder this! Of all the spam I have ever read this has got to be the most...

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

 

[KenHigg]

Ahkmed the Arab came to the United States from the
Middle East, and he was only here a few months when
he became very ill. He went to doctor after doctor,
but none of them could help him.

Finally, he went to an Arab doctor who said, "Take
dees bocket, go into de odder room, poop in de,
bocket pee on de poop, and den put your head down
over de bocket and breathe in de fumes for ten
minutes."

Ahkmed took the bucket, went into the other room,
pooped in the bucket, peed on the poop, bent over
and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes.

Coming back to the doctor he said, "It worked. I
feel terrific! What was wrong with me?"

The doctor said, "You were homesick."

 

[dt01pqt]

Ahkmed the Arab came to the United States from the
Middle East, and he was only here a few months when
he became very ill. He went to doctor after doctor,
but none of them could help him.

Finally, he went to an Arab doctor who said, "Take
dees bocket, go into de odder room, poop in de,
bocket pee on de poop, and den put your head down
over de bocket and breathe in de fumes for ten
minutes."

Ahkmed took the bucket, went into the other room,
pooped in the bucket, peed on the poop, bent over
and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes.

Coming back to the doctor he said, "It worked. I
feel terrific! What was wrong with me?"

The doctor said, "You were homesick."

That is poor.

 

[selenau837]

Man: My mother-in-law is a careful driver

Friend: How so?

Man: She always looks both ways before hitting someone.

 

[KenHigg]

That is poor.

You're right. Bad taste. Shall I delete it?

 

[dt01pqt]

You're right. Bad taste. Shall I delete it?

I not a PC freak or anything but I just didn't find funny. I know it is an Irish joke equivalent but, it is bellow the belt.

 

[Rich]

Ahkmed the Arab came to the United States from the
Middle East, and he was only here a few months when
he became very ill. He went to doctor after doctor,
but none of them could help him.

Finally, he went to an Arab doctor who said, "Take
dees bocket, go into de odder room, poop in de,
bocket pee on de poop, and den put your head down
over de bocket and breathe in de fumes for ten
minutes."

Ahkmed took the bucket, went into the other room,
pooped in the bucket, peed on the poop, bent over
and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes.

Coming back to the doctor he said, "It worked. I
feel terrific! What was wrong with me?"

The doctor said, "You were homesick."

hillarious

 

[fuzzygeek]

And for those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all the conflicting medical studies:



1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausage and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

(OK RICH...American English)

 

[fuzzygeek]

A wealthy man had been having an affair with an Italian woman for several years.
One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money, if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
"Honey," she said. "You received a very strange post card today."
"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it," he said.
The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white and fainted.
On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."

 

[fuzzygeek]

New Office Slang

New Office Slang

404 - Someone who is clueless. From the Web error message, "404 Not Found,"
which means the document requested couldn't be located. "Don't bother asking John. He's 404."

Adminisphere - The rarified organizational layers above the rank and file that makes decisions that are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant.

Alpha Geek - The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. "I dunno, ask Rick. He's our alpha geek."

Assmosis - The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

Batmobiling - putting up emotional shields. Refers to the retracting armor that covers the Batmobile as in "she started talking marriage and he started batmobiling"

Beepilepsy - The brief siezure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go off, especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence.

Betamaxed - When a technology is overtaken in the market by inferior but better marketed competition as in "Microsoft betamaxed Apple right out of the market"

Blamestorming - A group discussion of why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

Blowing Your Buffer - Losing one's train of thought. Occurs when the person you are speaking with won't let you get a word in edgewise or has just said something so astonishing that your train gets derailed. "Damn, I just blew my buffer!" (Synonym: "Head Crash")

Body Nazis - Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn't work out obsessively.

Bookmark - To take note of a person for future reference. "After seeing his cool demo at Siggraph, I bookmarked him."

Brain Fart - A byproduct of a bloated mind producing information effortlessly; a burst of useful information. "I know you're busy on the Microsoft story, but can you give us a brain fart on the Mitnik bust?"
Variation of old hacker slang that had more negative connotations.

CGI Joe - A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and charisma of a plastic action figure.

Chainsaw Consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the top brass with clean hands.

Chip Jewelry - Old computers destined to be scrapped or turned into decoration. "I paid three grand for that Mac and now it's nothing but chip jewelry."

Chips and Salsa - Chips = hardware, salsa = software. "First we gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa."

CLM (Career Limiting Move)- Used by microserfs to describe an ill-advised activity. "Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM."

Cobweb - A WWW site that never changes.

Crapplet - A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet. "I just wasted 30 minutes downloading that crapplet!"

CROP DUSTING - Surreptitiously farting while passing thru a cube farm, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust; leads to PRAIRIE DOGGING.....
Cube Farm - An office filled with cubicles.

Dead Tree Edition - The paper version of a publication available in both paper and electronic forms.

Dilberted - To be exploited and oppressed by your boss, as is Dilbert, the comic strip character. "Damn, I've been dilberted again! The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."

Dorito Syndrome - The feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional content. "I just spent six hours surfing the Web, and now I've got a bad case of Dorito Syndrome."

Egosurfing - Scanning the Net, databases, etc., for one's own name.

Elvis Year - The peak year of popularity as in "1993 was Barney the dinosaur's Elvis year"

Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon.
Generica - Fast food joints, strip malls, sub-divisions as in "we were so lost in generica that I couldn't remember what city it was"

Glazing - Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open; a popular pastime at conferences and early-morning meetings. "Didn't he notice that by the second session half the room was glazing?"

Going Postal - Totally stressed out and losing it like postal employees who went on shooting rampages

GOOD job - A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.

Gray Matter - Older, experienced business people hired by young entrepreneurial firms trying to appear more professional and established.

Graybar Land - The place you go while you're staring at a computer that's processing something very slowly (while you watch the gray bar creep across the screen). "That CAD rendering put me in graybar land for like an hour."

High Dome - Egghead, scientist, PhD

Idea Hamsters - People whose idea generators are always running.

Irritainment - Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example.

It's a Feature - From the old adage, "It's not a bug, it's a feature." Used sarcastically to describe an unpleasant problem you wish to gloss over.

Keyboard Plaque - The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on some people's computer keyboards.

Link Rot - The process by which web page's links become obsolete as the sites they're connected to change or die.

Meatspace - The physical world (as opposed to the virtual) also "carbon community" "facetime" "F2F" "RL"

Mouse Potato - The online generation's answer to the couch potato.

Ohnosecond - That minuscule fraction of time during which you realize you've just made a terrible error.

Open-Collar Workers - People who work at home or telecommute.

Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

Perot - To quit unexpectedly. "My cellular phone just perot'ed."

Plug-and-Play - A new hire who doesn't require training. "That new guy is totally plug-and-play."

Prairie Dogging - When something loud happens in a cube farm, causing heads to pop up over the walls trying to see what's going on.

Ribs 'N' Dick - A budget with no fat as in "we've got ribs 'n' dick and we're supposed to find 20K for memory upgrades"

Salmon Day - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed in the end. "God, today was a total salmon day!"

Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits over everything and then leaves.

Siliwood - The coming convergence of movies, interactive TV and computers; also "Hollywired"

SITCOMs - What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. "Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage"

Square-Headed Spouse - Computer

Squirt the Bird - To transmit a signal up to a satellite. "Crew and talent are ready...what time do we squirt the bird?"

Starter Marriage - A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.

Stress Puppy - A person who thrives on being stressed-out and whiny.

Swiped Out - An ATM or credit card that has been used so much its magnetic strip is worn away.

Tourists - Those who take training classes just to take a vacation from their jobs. "There were only three serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists."

Treeware - Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.

Umfriend - One with whom one has a sexual relationship; as in, "this is Dale, my...um...friend."

Under Mouse Arrest - Getting busted for violating an online service's rule of conduct. "Sorry I couldn't get back to you. AOL put me under mouse arrest."

Uninstalled - Euphemism for being fired. Also: decruitment.

Vulcan Nerve Pinch - The taxing hand position required to reach all the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the warm re-boot for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control key, the Command key, the Return key and the Power On key.

WOOFYS - Well Off Older Folks.

World Wide Wait - The real meaning of WWW.

Xerox Subsidy - Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

Yuppie Food Coupons - Twenty dollar bills from an ATM.

 

[fuzzygeek]

"Hello, is this here the Sheriff's Office?"

"Yes. What can I do for you?"

"I'm calling to report my neighbor, Virgil Smith.
He's drillin' holes in his farwood and hiding marijuana inside!"

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, the Sheriff & his deputies descend on Virgil's house.
They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they split every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
They sneer at Virgil and leave.

The phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Virgil!

"This here is Floyd. Did the sheriff come?" "Yeah."

"Did they split yer farwood?" "Yep!"

"Happy Birthday, buddy!"

(Who! says rednecks aren't real bright?!)

 

[selenau837]

My salary!!!!!!

 

[Rusty]

They're Back! Church Bulletin Bloopers: Thank goodness for church ladies
with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins
or were announced in church services:

* * * * * * * * *

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at
Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

* * * * * * * * * * *

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

* * * * * * * * * *

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon
tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

* * * * * * * * * *

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your
husbands.

* * * * * * * * * *

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a
conflict.

* * * * * * * * * *

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much
about you.

* * * * * * * * * *

Don't let worry kill you off ..... .let the Church help.

* * * * * * * * * *

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.

* * * * * * * * * *

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.

* * * * * * * * * *

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
help they can get.

* * * * * * * * * *

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping. She has requested
tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

* * * * * * * * * *

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."

* * * * * * * * * *

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church and so ends a friendship that began in their school days.

* * * * * * * * * *

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.

* * * * * * * * *

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is
Hell?". Come early and listen to our choir practice.

* * * * * * * * * *

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

* * * * * * * * * *

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to help cripple children.

* * * * * * * * * *

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered.

* * * * * * * * * *

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy
lunch.

* * * * * * * * * *

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment
and gracious hostility.

* * * * * * * * * *

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

* * * * * * * * * *

The ladies of the Church have cast-off clothing of every kind. They
may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

* * * * * * * * * *

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

* * * * * * * * * *

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies
are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

* * * * * * * * * *

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

* * * * * * * * * *

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use
the back door.

* * * * * * * * * *

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend
this tragedy.

* ** * * * * * * *

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.

* * * * * * * * * *

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."