What's your best/worst joke? (1 Viewer)

[Dick7Access]

GCF: Kitchen Rules

You can't put plastic in the dishwasher, metal in the microwave or
utensils in the garbage disposal. There are so many rules in the
kitchen that it's just safer to eat out.

 

[AnthonyGerrard]

GCF: Kitchen Rules

You can't put plastic in the dishwasher, metal in the microwave or
utensils in the garbage disposal. There are so many rules in the
kitchen that it's just safer to eat out.

What criteria does this match - best? worst? joke?

 

[Dick7Access]

What criteria does this match - best? worst? joke?

The choice is yours. I guess the reason I think it's funny is because I eat all my meals out.

 

[ColinEssex]

The choice is yours. I guess the reason I think it's funny is because I eat all my meals out.

Burger King, McDonalds, KFC, Chinky?

Col

 

[Dick7Access]

Burger King, McDonalds, KFC, Chinky?

Col

Everything from Hot dog wagon by the side of the road to very elegant bistros, but certainly lots of BK, and Mac's. They don't have Chinky's in the US as far as I know, at least not any place I have been.

 

[MSAccessRookie]

What's the difference between a "Chinky" and a Take Out Asian Restaurant?

 

[Dick7Access]

GCF: Legal Description

I am a prosecuting attorney in a small Mississippi town and will
admit to having a few extra pounds on me. Not long ago, I was
questioning a witness in an armed robbery case.

I asked, "Would you describe the person you saw?"

The witness replied, "He was kind of short and stout."

"You mean short and stout like me?" I asked.

"Oh, no," the witness said. "He wasn't that fat."

 

[walrus]

Sister Joan was teaching Sunday School; she asked the children what they wanted to be when they grew up.

Little Johnny stood up and said "A Fireman."
"Very good." said the nun.

Little Susan stood and said "a nurse."
"Very nice." said the sister Joan.

Little Bobby stood up and said "an astronaut."
"Er, Ok..." said the nun.

Then little Mary stood up and said "I'm going to be a prostitute".
"I BEG YOUR PARDON??" exclaimed sister Joan.

"I said I'm going to be a prostitute" repeated Mary.
"Oh thank goodness!", said the nun, "I thought you said you wanted to be a protestant."

 

[Dick7Access]

What's the difference between a "Chinky" and a Take Out Asian Restaurant?

I don't know what a chinky is so I can't tell you the differents between the two.

 

[ColinEssex]

What's the difference between a "Chinky" and a Take Out Asian Restaurant?

I love these jokes.

Ok, I give in, what is the difference between a chinky and a take out Asian restaurant?

I have one,

What is the difference between god and a hospital specialist?

God doesn't think he is a hospital specialist.

Col

 

[Dick7Access]

GCF: Employment Form

My sense of humor always gets me into trouble, but I just can't help it.

Applying for a job one time, the employment form clearly said: "Age
of Father, if living" and the same query for my Mother.

I put down the figures 119 and 117 in the spaces provided, and the
interviewer asked if my parents were truly that old.

I replied, "No, but they would be if they were still living."

 

[MSAccessRookie]

I love these jokes.

Ok, I give in, what is the difference between a chinky and a take out Asian restaurant?

I have one,

What is the difference between god and a hospital specialist?

God doesn't think he is a hospital specialist.

Col

Thank you Col for confirming that there is no difference

 

[Dick7Access]

Thank you Col for confirming that there is no difference

That can't be what Col meant by chinky. He is not that crude.

 

[Dick7Access]

GCF: Spelling Words

My husband and I often spell words so that our small children won't
understand what we're saying. I didn't realize what a habit this had
become until one day when my husband and I were in the grocery store
at the soup aisle.

An aggressive young woman banged into our cart, then nudged me over,
blocking my access to the soup.

Annoyed, I looked at my husband and said, "Boy, is she r-u-d-e!"

"Yeah," he replied, "and I'll bet she can s-p-e-l-l."

 

[Dick7Access]

GCF: Escaped Lion

A man was walking along the street when he saw a crowd of people
running toward him. He stopped one of the runners and asked, "What's
happening?"

The runner replied breathlessly, "A lion has escaped from the city zoo."

"Oh no! Which way is it heading?"

"Well, you don't think we're chasing it, do you?"

 

[CJ_London]

When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big boobs.


When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big boobs, but there was no
passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.
Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time
and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was
totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became
so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with
her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on
anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often
as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but
directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted
firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she
divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big boobs.

 

[Uncle Gizmo]

GCF: Escaped Lion

A man was walking along the street when he saw a crowd of people
running toward him. He stopped one of the runners and asked, "What's
happening?"

The runner replied breathlessly, "A lion has escaped from the city zoo."

"Oh no! Which way is it heading?"

"Well, you don't think we're chasing it, do you?"

Reminds me of the joke: Two chaps walking through the jungle and see a lion; one stops to put his trainers on, the other says " "what are you doing?" "you will never outrun the lion" the other says "no, I don't need to out run the lion I just need to out run you!"

 

[Dick7Access]

GCF: Respectable Judge

A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander.

"Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you
heard them," instructed the lawyer.

The witness hesitated. "But they are unfit for any respectable person
to hear," she protested.

"Then," said the attorney, "just whisper them to the judge."

 

[Brianwarnock]

Thank you Col for confirming that there is no difference

Well now he didn't did he, my guess is that you are objecting to "chinky" something that has been discussed on the forum previously and more than once. Dick in the civilised world it is a Chinese Takeaway , however Col , and Rich when he was here, tell us that in the heathen areas that they inhabit chinky is normal and accepted.

The difference is obvious as an Asian Takeaway may be Thai, Indian , etc

Brian

 

[Brianwarnock]

Reminds me of the joke: Two chaps walking through the jungle and see a lion; one stops to put his trainers on, the other says " "what are you doing?" "you will never outrun the lion" the other says "no, I don't need to out run the lion I just need to out run you!"

When I went 'gator watching near New Orleans the guide was asked if it was safe to walk in the area, we were on a boat, he replied " yes so long as you go with someone you can outrun" I laughed but many just looked bemused.

Brian